My grandmass entire neighborhood is over for dessert and i'm high as fuck...about to make a couple of freshman boys real uncomfortable
Freshman in high school? Just your type
every time you feel disappointed with the red wings take a shot
I can't ever handle being "that girl" again. At least not until next semester.
I could be wrong, but im pretty sure i jumped off the roof after my lighter.
Fyi when u order four mini bottles of scotch on a 45 min flight. The flight attendants jaw drops to the floor.
He woke up in the ambulance thinking he was still in the club.
Our whole friendship has just been time foreshadowing my dick in your mouth.
I already ran out of vodka but I have more beer. I just ran naked into the high school party down the street as took all theirs. ...figured no one wants to tackle the naked guy..
My dick hurts from so many people grabbing it last night. We're not going back to that club
New fuck buddy and long time fuck buddy are carpooling home for thanksgiving. #10hrconvoaboutmyblowjobskills
I can't believe you guys got into a sword fight over a chicken nugget
Oh, so that's where all the scratches came from...
Just when I thought I was growing up, I go out and TOTALLY REDEEM MYSELF
My dreams last night were filled with sex and quidditch.
I offered to trade my cat for a bottle of tequila as long as it had a handle on it and realized I had a problem
i just woke up from a 4 hour nap, still drunk, to make mac n cheese.
Randomize
