i would give spencer pratt a bj just so i could bite his dick off
he'd just find a way to get more famous from being a eunich.
Is it weird that I miss finding cum in my bed?
i woke up, turned over, and noticed an assortment of knives stuck in my wall. i should prob stop drinking
i feel as if its time to shave my pubes but i should wait until before the party. nobody likes a sloppy drunk girl with a stubble-crotch.
story of my life.
you told me to make out with him to promote the social success of the sorority
This guy in church just had a prayer request to help him get through his hangover. He is my new hero.
I'm going to start giving girls scratch off lottery tickets when they leave my place in the am. That way they have a chance of not regretting the night before
Please stop using the dehumidifier for your weed.
Wanna tell me why vodka seeped out of the memory foam when I climbed into my bed?
I fucked my cousin and caught chlamydia this year. I can't really harbour any illusions about myself anymore.
She told me she brought a guy home but that he looked pickled. And no, that's not an autocorrect.
Hahahah pickled
I asked her what she meant and she said that he looked like he had soaked in water.
I'm sorry I put my balls through your watch. On another note your roommate had them on his shoulder too sry
High. As. Fuck. I thought the kid next to me didn't have an arm for like 2 hours.
Hahahaha I'm glad you woke me up with this text.
just saw a girl run into an automatic sliding door, back up and try again
Give me the sexing that I truly desire and I will reveal to you the mysterious location of the PBR's
Randomize
