theyre doing shots to celebrate her boob jobs anniversary.
He's the biggest piece of shit to ever exist. He's not even wearing shoes.
Just so you know, the bottle of red gatorade is NOT GATORADE. It is definitely someone's puke. I hope nobody else makes the same mistake I did.
wait do you know what youre gonna say if they ask how youre getting back?
yes. helicopter.
well once we started drinking vodka out of wine glasses there was no turning back
It wasn't until that morning that I realized I wasn't actually dreaming, finding myself in the bathtub with someone laying on me
ill give you food and tequilla and penis and joy
$200 on plane. $110 on train. $5 per drink on plane. $15 per case on train. Plane 1 hour flight. Train 9 hour excursion. Hmmmmm.
Second time this week margarita night turned homoerotic
But if you were going to pour a liquid on your naked body in fall its definitely pumpkin inspired something.
I know you're aving fun across the room but I can clearly see you getting a handy. It's not as "low key" as she promised. Also, why are you texting while she's doing it?!
It's like an adderall Houdini. Right when you think you have a deal he disappears
Your uterus is safe from my father's misconstrued prophecies.
go for it girl, the world is ur dick oyster
Oh, btw, UPS might come by. Drunk me ordered us $75 worth of gummy airhead starburst type candies. Whatever it is, it'll be delicious.
Randomize
