just do him I won't tell jon
um i'm guessing you meant to send this to tina, thanks for the support in our relationship you whore
I cant wait to get the disapproving look from this elderly black lady...
they said they heard you say put it in my butt
Need a ride. Apparently screaming about the bartender's erectile dysfunction gets you kicked out.
I pulled my tongue muscle last night. your welcome.
masturbating while the coffee brews is the new power nap
Oh wow. Was walking and just saw her in the pool, fully clothed, ranting on an alligator float. I guess i should go get her before security gets here.
why the fuck are my pubes caked with bread crumbs?
Liquid roulette time! Black Mystery Cups are filled with either ipecac, whiskey, or NyQuil. Let's have fun
You just yell-acapella'd the theme to fresh prince of bel air to me while a different song is playing in the bar.
GET ME OUT OF HERE THE DOCTOR KNOWS HE IS JUDGING ME I DEMAND A PRISON BREAK
A homeless man gave him a blanket and an ambulance drove him to sarahs...
Everytime I try to keep track of the amount of people I slept with I always forget about that guy I met on the dc metro, where I woke up to him organizing his Special K and Molly and I was covered in sleeping cats.
I now have scissors specifically made for cutting dicks off.
He gave me an ambien and I woke up with a raw chicken bone in my purse. I have no idea why but I hope I put it in his butt
Randomize
