so that guy from last night texted me saying i flashed half of my extended family last night. so classy.
I made out with a deaf person. Also I've been drunk 11 days in a row now.
i purposely bought her a small sweater. My way of saying, you've gotten fat.
I'm wearing the bright blue sombrero all through the airport as a sign of triumph that I survived spring break. I'm getting compliments
thursday was literally the first time i didnt drunk eat since the bush administration and it was only because i was fucking someones boyfriend. making a mental note to do that more often.
He just kept petting my ear and informing me that I wasn't one of the guys
I just took a shower and I feel like 20 pounds of sex just came off of me.
When did it become appropriate to call your mother the morning after? While still naked in bed? WHEN?!
The cop was yelling at you as you layed on the sidewalk and you wouldn't take him seriously cause you thought it was some dude in a cop costume.
I dont even think your gonna like what I got you for christmas. If not we can take it back and get drugs.
You were cuddling with an eight iron and I was eating a fajita completely ignoring your presence.
Well I didn't get a shacker shirt but I somehow managed to come home with superman socks
yeah it's a weird friendship. we pretend that we're automatic besties but i know we both know i slept with her boyfriend
false alarm, still single
Why the fuck is Ian Naked eating string cheese in my guest bedroom?
Randomize
