A few issues tonight. 1) Drunk since 1pm. 2) At the bar at 4pm. 3) James brought his sister, who has enormous breasts, isnt shy about cleavage, obviously slutty, and makes me want to do things that would even have Atheists sending me to hell. However, she's wearing glitter, so all Im thinking about is Edward Cullen. Go ahead and rip up my Man Card.
My phone has seen less use in the last three days than Tom Brady's condoms.
on the last problem of the exam i just drew a picture of a cat and left
It was 5 a.m. and we found him making margaritas with nyquil...
We decided to have a girls night of four lokos, three of us cried and the other puked
Drag queen told me that I have the cheek bones to do drag. That's supposed to boost my moral.
Im 95% ready to shit behind 711
this mall makes me feel like I just rolled a 9 in jumanji and got the stampede card
I feel like a color. Like a wavy color
I was stopped at a light on my way home and a priest threw holy water on my car. Seems fitting after last night.
Showed up to family party blacked out and in a turkey costume. I'd say thanksgiving was a success.
You stopped loving me for a minute.
You sent me "Is nap," I don't think that really counts as a conversation starter.
Wake up. Smoke. Masturbate while eggos cook. Go back to bed. Smoke. Body spray shower. Beer with breakfast. Class. Morning of a champion.
I just want to trace his tattoos with my tongue
I'm just going to use my debit card. I feel bad buying pizza with the money I stole from my roommate...so I'm going to put it in my piggy bank.
Randomize