dude why did you let me call her?!
i told you it was a bad idea and to quote you exactly, you said "no, it's a good idea..that's what people do when they love each other." you met her 15 minutes prior to that conversation...
I just found 'pokemon orgy' in my search history
End of the semester and I banged 14 freshman. I'm like my own welcome to college orientation guide.
It hit me after I slept with his best friends and brother, that maybe I took it a bit far
No, this is non-alcoholic oatmeal.
nothing says roomie bonding better than a sunday shroom trip.
Haha, you avoided her at all costs. And then she shoved her tits in your face
I want Samuel L. Jackson to stand beside me and narrate my morning shits.
I think I'm a wingman for every guy who bangs a girl I scarred in highschool.
I need a good cry or an orgasm and neither of them are gonna happen to me and i'm so frustrated
I'm the catering manager, it's not my job to stop 2 teenagers from fucking in the bathroom. I couldn't bring myself to stop that sort of young romance anyway, that's what I pay you people for
I'm just impressed that you can puke without losing your gum
I feel like hooking up with you on my floor, sneaking out my window and jumping a fence is an effort that deserves a happy birthday.
Couch. On fire.
What would I even say at the wedding? "Sorry that I still wouldn't sleep with you after four years of you trying...but hopefully my sister here isn't that stubborn" and give him an awkward pat on the back?
Randomize
