This random guy just introduced himself then said "So, I am staying at my friends place and he has a 4 year old, so we should probably go back to your house." WTF kind of vibes do I give off?
do u think i could put an abortion on my debit card?
like in an apt above a crackhead. A LEGIT CRACKHEAD. he woke me up every morning this week asking me if I wanted to buy a mini fridge and some CDs. at 5 am. EVERY DAY.
no i decided against it. savin my coke binge for finals week.
I am lonely and I want to touch your beard
Last time Jon threw a party I woke up on my porch, no shirt but 4 bras on, and "make better life choices" written on my stomach in sharpie
Didn't want you to think it had been open season on my vagina since we broke up.
Worst walk of shame man. They had a fire drill at 7am, had to walk out of her all girl dorm wearing my Everday I'm Hustling sweater
By god, his vagina is better looking than mine.
I'm crying watching Rihanna at the VMAs. Periods are a bitch
He couldn't undo my bra. He ended up breaking the clasp he clawed at it so long. We met on Tinder for God sake
HE PUT A HOLE. IN. MY. HOUSE!!!
Can't tell if it's the drugs or science magic, but I *THINK* that mouse just turned into a squirrel.
dude the last time we saw him was 2 nights ago when he was yelling that the trees were naked or some shit then he ran into the forest. I think its time for a search party
I swear to God if you start calling your dick “my pegasus” we’re not friends anymore
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