I thought you said his peep was too small
it is but i have no money and nothing is on tv until 7 when americas next top model comes on.
im returning my roomates shirt with a "i got laid in this" thank you note
Did you ask last night's taxi driver about his penis hygiene?
you handed me the dorito you were about to eat and told me to 'keep him safe' while you went to the bathroom
I feel the need to clarify that I did not show her my vagina.
Holy fuck, spaghetti burritos are the best idea I've ever had.
A valiant attempt to obtain a backhoe was made
And theres a reasonable expectation that if you're fighting over a pair of yoga pants on the ground at VS someones gonna videotape it
I passed out with my wizard stick taped to my hands and got woken up being poked with a St. Bernard
Dad and I are shitfaced screaming at Canadians in Walmart. Life is good.
It's disgusting. He breathes through his mouth and just sounds fat. Plus he chews all loud and shit.
it's just weird to think of you as a teacher since ive seen you throw up raspberry bacardi in my parents house
I'm so high that a guy on TV just sneezed and I said "bless you."
Drunk. Come get me. Out front blue shirt.
Where are you? And you borrowed my shirt. I know what you're wearing. How wasted are you?
Hotel
WHICH HOTEL??
I regret nothing
Not even Married Dan?
I regret one thing
Randomize
