he quoted Bring It On. It's over.
david just texted me. reply with photo of genitalia? y/n
You tried to poop in the sink last night.
i just had to use the keg as a stool to reach the margarita maker. i'm such a problem solver.
is it too much to get a jumbo margarita in a sippy cup right now?
Last time i was there we saw the window of the pizza place we were at get busted, we were pulled out of a taxi to be questioned by the cops, and we peed outside a waffle house. I'm in.
I rigged together two of my vibrators for more power... I've created a monster.
She gatecrashed the wedding and managed to get an invite to the open bar reception. Lucky bitch
No. We can't get pedicures until my toenails grow back.
YOU TOOK A FUCKING SNAP OF ME TRYING TO PEE! I'M GOING TO FUCK YOU WITH THE BUSINESS END OF A RUTED RAKE!
Nothing more awkward that being butt ass naked in a guys bed and his ex wife shows up with his kid....
Just once, I'd like to make it to my first wedding anniversary for a change.
For the record you're a very classy lady and your love for and mastery of strap-ons is amazing. I would gladly marry you and father your offspring
There's a guy in a plaid shirt running around asking everyone if they want to head butt him
That man fucks like a champ. The sex was so good I did him again in the morning just to be sure
Randomize
