There's a technique?! I just slide my tongue around
So yesterday I was on craigslist and I saw a listing for a sofa-cum-bed. I knew what they meant...
There is a guy standing at my bar right now wearing an affliction SUIT. I can't wait on him.
It's going to be nice going to the airport without drugs taped to my balls like last year.
You'll get a boner for sure
Way ahead of you. Kinda awkward while paying rent but hey
Come my child we shall walk thru the pasture of amazing sex and corndogs. Hint:some corndogs are not corndogs.
So we played the stone cold theme song and continued to chug 2 beers at once and everyone just looked in shock
You in for a dick vacation?
YES, even though I have no idea what that means
This strange Italian man told me he wants to take me for ice cream and kept calling me "tomato" from tinder
I preemptively put on a cape before eating a bunch of weed brownies. Best decision ever.
He said "send me a motivational picture" so I sent one with mayo on my face that said "clearly I'm no stranger to white stuff on my face"...I'm the fuckingng worst
Like I blink, and he's face first in my vagina.
i just saw a man in the grocery, sitting on the floor, eating out of a galon sized tub of macaroni salad. We need to get on his level.
One minute I'm going home the next I'm getting railed on the back 9.
My goal tonight is to be arrested by the Police Women of Cincinnati.
Randomize