I'm seriously so bored I'm seeing how many rooms I can masturbate in before I get caught.
Four. Poor grandma...
If they ask for a stool sample we r no longer friends.
words cant express how excited I am to make January 1st our own personal version of The Hangover
just got hammed at grandma and grampas 30th aniversary bash .. from the looks i was getting im guessing i wont be seeing an inheritance ...
I'm sorry I dragged a dildo (on a leash) into your room last night.
I'll be honest with you, my dick was out at that point in time.
when he was about to finish he told me to avert my eyes and keep my lady parts away. chivalry isnt dead.
omg just made cake vodka jello shots, sooooo excited
dear god these taste like death. death and sprinkles
While running home from the bar in high heels I multi- tasked and sexted with Brent. Jesus.
I got picked up after "I just threw up in my face". Then I had very specific instructions involving the bathtub.
You threw your body across the gross couple hooking up on the couch and demanded they scratch your back. I love you drunk on peach schnapps
Someone should make a valentines day card that says "I like the way you continuously consume thc with no concept of a limit other than drug supply" Because I'd send that to you.
I don't need no damn man when I have the cock-a-nator 2000.
We were supposed fuck one time, but ended up fucking for 2 years.
At some point you said you just wanted to get laid, so we had a moment of silence for your dead sex life...
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