I just passed one of the bars and saw my mom kissing another woman. This can't be good....right?
Knowing your life, probably not.
I'm fucking your sister right now.
You motherfucker
She's next.
then for some reason i googled "how much to buy a cannon"
My financial advisor pointed out that 37% of my income is currently going towards "non-essential food items"
That's banker lingo for "you're an alcoholic"
Woke up with string cheese braided into my hair- literally braided
seriously considering responding to a craigslist ad for a lesbian cunninlingus instructor...at this point i'm so desperate for a job that i'm willing to switch teams.
Also I think he would slowly, painfully, die. You really can't live without a penis. You'd explode.
Just described your amazing cock to a complete stranger. I am officially the worst wingman (chick) ever.
I think I've forgotten how to blink. Help plz?
Like who turns down taking a nap inside of someone in 2014.
anyways, do you want to make more embarrassing memories that im bound to remind you about later and laugh about?
I'm actually really happy I can say that my first body shot was out of a gay strippers massively ripped chest
It was just like the old times. We watched movies and shit. But not like old times-i fucked her hot brother when she was in the shower? Times are a'changin.
hey sweets how's ur crotch today?
LOOK AT HOW SMOOTH THIS BITCH IS
Randomize
