I Once took so much Ecstacy that I tried to hug a fire.
So my grandma sent me a doily for my birthday - don't ask why, I don't know. Anyways I put my bong on it, I think it actually classed up the joint.
I might never shower again without beer.. I might also always drink naked
thanks for at least making it out of the pool before you threw up
lets just say that i have already today: gotten drunk, got in a fight, got stranded an hour away from home, found a ride, sobered up, and slept. woken back up, and here i am. its been a long day. Day drinking is bad for friendships.
So the chick throws up over the rail from the 15th floor at the sky bar and I knew I would take her back to my hotel.
I'm sexting at the thanksgiving dinner table...this is a new holiday tradition.
She interrupted us having sex in the tent by threatening to kill us if we "got cum on the lasanga."
I actually took a sword out of your hands. You were samurai slashing lemons to make chasers.
I'm gonna write a book one day about how to be the less attractive person girls settle for after getting dumped. I will send you a copy
I have to remind myself to breathe. That hungover.
I know you're having some issues right now but can we focus on the gangbang?
All you need for a happy life is Jameson and slippers
She said she was sorry for rolling around in her own vomit. Honestly, I thought it really added to the party.
I don't know if it was the movie or the drugs but after i watched it i wore the same spongebob shirt to school for two weeks and stopped showering
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