Worst part of St. Paddy's...me drunkenly crying to a U2 cover band.
Totally just asked Dad if I needed to show the real estate guy my tits so he would let us buy the house. I've really got to work on that filtering thing.
due to concerns over safety, the theme of the 'naked fondue party' has now been changed to the 'naked fondue party with optional apron' please b.y.o.apron. extra prizes for most creative apron.
The girl in the white might have stds. I'm strangely okay with this.
I'm slowing backing away from her. I tried breaking up with her and it felt like I was clubbing baby seals.
You should make it a point to use vocabulary that is competition appropriate around him, like "champion" and "training" and "victory sex"
you're expensive. Idk about all this. What happened to free make outs?
Sobriety and mild self-respect
He asked me to hum the Ghost Busters theme song as I was going down on him
Next time we include dessert condiments into our sex life we can fuck up my sheets. It's only fair.
Classic dick move. Breaking up your buddies 3-some by coming into his room and doing the Harlem Shake.
I'm so cold without your freakishly high body temperature
that's the equivalent to a normal girlfriends. 'I miss you' btw
I'M SORRY THIS WAS SEXTING AND I MADE IT SERIOUS.
Maybe whip a sausage around while you do it and pour some beer on you. Like a German white snake video
I'll accept that I'm a woo girl. Just not the drunk cowboy hat wearing bar mongering twat bag type
Went to open youtube this morning, and the last search was "ten hours of whale sounds" Best pillow talk ever!
Randomize
