i saw a guy balancing a black cat on his head last nite
get a pic
i tried he was too far away anotherguy was walking with paper bags on his feet explain that
i want ur life
I'm at an open mic night and the next act is called 'the best creed cover band ever.' The guy i recently hooked up with is on bass.
so i hit rock bottom, god threw me a shovel. i continued to dig.
She just took the bottle of jager to the bathroom and locked the door. Now I hear the water running..if the house floods she's paying for it
Not sure. We'll pass out on that bridge when we stumble to it.
Everything tastes like Lysol. Am I dying?
Have u seen my thong? Last time i saw it was drenched in vodka and on his brothers broken lamp.
Nah but tell him his boxers made it to the basement
Please put me in a whole with no windows and never let me out.
All I've eaten today is cookie dough, pecan pie and three shots of jack. Finals week here I come.
I give you full permission to seriously injure me the next time I think it's a good idea to face a bottle of vodka
I just drove by a stop sign that had a used maxi pad stuck to it WHAT THE FUCK
Also. I think I just got sentimental over a nude
I'M NOT EVEN STOPPING FOR WINE SO I CAN GET TO THAT DICK QUICKER.
he passed out in the backyard and we used christmas lights as extension cords for the clippers to shave his head.
I dont understand why i cant be a wizard
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