Interestingly im still mad at you for the time we got high and you tried to hump me.
Lol thats a classic
i fucked her mom dude
there's something to tell the kids
she just gave her compliments to the chief, at dennys
so apparently mom and dad slept together on the first date
i guess it runs in the family.
she sucked my dick to get the taste of the last guy's out. I need to find a new friend with benefits.
So, Southern Comfort will donate 25 cents for every bottle sold towards Gulf Coast Relief... Can we save the wetlands through my alcoholism?
you are going to have to live with the consequences, i'm going to fuck your sister
When a girl says " I never would have come over if I knew I was getting kicked out at 7am." the correct response isn't "but think of how responsible you're being."
I told him he was, quote: "A big cuddly bear" and he needed to get into my bed or I would set his Golden Retriever free.
My boyfriend just asked what time I was coming over. As soon as my old BF unchains me. I think he ran away.
Well I have rug burns in both armpits, somehow. So yes you should have been here
these people use weed stems as birthday cake candles. I'm never coming home
I feel like at this point in my life I should be dating someone who doesn't run out of all his money on Mondays and have to wait til fridy to buy his weed
Unfortunately i'm awake, hungover, and covered in something I'm pretty sure is Easy Cheese. Send help.
I need to stop being so honest when I'm drunk. I got proposed to by a stranger again last night. It's not my fault that I would be perfectly ok making sandwiches and giving blow jobs for the rest of my life.
Randomize
