I'm at derby!
The kentucky derby! But its night time, theres no way the horses are awake at this time.
2 nights ago she wants to see other people, tonight she wants to have a threesome. The GOOD kind of threesome. So... win?
It's more exciting when they aren't single....and even better when you have to pretend that you just slept with their roommate while trying to do the walk a shame as their girlfriend comes marching into the apt.
Im not the least bit jealous of the life you lead.
They left shortly after you claimed the dirty rug as your mattress and began alternating between singing "Dayman" and "Nightman"
Vodka + horseback riding = vomit in the saddle bags
she's on the floor slapping my dogs face with slices of pizza
How do you not remember?? She kept putting a dollar on her waistband and insisting it was all you can eat under a dollar
I just very easily got pretty high off of one bowl of shitty dirt weed. I'm a sad excuse for who I used to be.
I woke up to a 3rd person picture of my own dick sent from a 1-800 number..
I am now being bribed with one orgasm per every meal I eat. This is the best anorexia therapy ever
You are the voice of reason. And I'm bringing wine. Like seriously this is his last chance. Don't touch me once, shame on you.. Don't touch me twice, shame on me
Was about to close the deal last night until he said he hadn't seen the Taylor Swift video. So I made him watch it before I let him have sex with me.
By NOT going to the gym, I'm helping my future. I don't want stripping, prostitution, or porn to be viable money making options.
and please, if you feel the urge to call me crying tomorrow night, do so. i will be home bored and sober.
You're moving up the public shitting ladder
Randomize
