Who haven't you slept with?
No one comes to mind.
this beer tastes like vomit already
He just said "I made some changes in my life. The male g-spot is in the rectum and I wanted to explore that."
nothing says 'im willing to leave my comfort zone for you' like letting you choke me during sex
We got jeff a deep fryer for his bday. So far the count is two potatoes and your iPod.
The orgasm outlasted the Charlie horse. Pros and cons.
The Russian stripper asked if I like foreign girls. I told her I absolutely fucking hate accents. Most awkward 7 minutes ever
And don't try to lose a condom in me tonight. My vagina is not a storage compartment where you can just leave something and try and use it again later in the week.
Side note. I love it when I think I've sobered up and then I get a second wind of drunk
My google history for last night included "Whre is johns house" and "wher can i buy nukes?" Pretty sure they're related to one another.
The guy that stalks me just looked out his window and saw me in his neighbor's hot tub. Get your shit ready the fraternity wars are starting.
We had sex while watching the republican debate. I'm not sure how he maintained an erection watching Donald Trump speak.
The police report said i was screaming at someone that wasnt there, then the cops told me to call someone sober and i called mike to tell him "They are trying to arrest me for stealing information from the FBI" at that point they took me to jail.
She just kept feeding people pretzels and sayying "You're such a good goldfish."
can you tell me why i woke up in a diaper and combat boots?
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