The pirates hijacked 3 more ships today!!
we need a boat to join in
Obama is on top of it we'd get killed within mins, but we'd live in legend foreva
Dude, the girl next to me just farted. Worst part, it smells like astroglide
I woke up this morning with "guy in polar bear j.crew boxers" written on my stomach along with a 5 digit phone number...
I would like to remind you that Mike's hard lemonade only goes good with an extra light cigarette and seminal fluid.
It's official. Every guy I've slept with has been to jail.
I was thinking about baking his mom "sorry you found out i was sleeping with your son" cupcakes
the pizza man had no reaction when jackie and me opened the door naked, i guess he's used to that shit
They just yellow carded someone for spilling a drink because it was a party foul. Love germans.
The bouncer said he wanted to but BBQ sauce on my legs. That Mystic tan has already paid for itself.
I don't talk to her anymore. I lit her birthday presents on fire. Who the fuck puts candles that close to tissue paper?
So i know you wont get this until you land, but if i'm late its cause i was having sex. being blunt and hope that explains things.
He's used the term "balls deep" 3 times in the first hour. Thanks a lot, Plenty of Fish.
I know it was a good night because I got a lecture from my roommates mom about stranger danger
Babe, I'm gunna be straight with you. When you act like a dick it makes me regret not fucking my manager last week.
He just took off his shirt. I'll text you later.
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