I woke up to a topless girl handing me a blunt. Candidate for greatest wake-up ever?
he told me that my best friend was "one the most attractive people he's ever seen" and wondered why he didn't get a blow job
Just had a thought: were the sirens on when we were in the ambulance?
i feel this will be the best possible way to start a friendship. By breaking into his house.
Want to get together for a boner voyage before you leave?
Trying to take a shit right now to the beat of the fuckin drumcircle outside... It's not goin well
After blacking out and loosing my phone for a month, I found it in the parking lot across the street. Last text "rager in the street". I remember none of this.
I can't answer my phone I'm at work
I slept with a male stripper last night. Priorities
ERIN AND I ARE GETTING MATCHING VIBRATORS. I'M PEER PRESSURING YOU INTO JOINING THE CLUB. Besides we're the three best friends that anyone could have, you better not ruin that by being a pussy and not treating your pussy to awesomeness. That is all.
Thanks to that wedding, I got to use the term "finger bang" more than I have since high school.
Btw I have come to the conclusion that we really need to do it in a bed. Like at least once..
I was going down on her and she started whistling "Whistle while you work." I'm in love.
I just saw the co founder of Waffle House passed away Friday. Are you okay?
That's about the same time my life started falling apart... Coincidence?!?!? I think NOT!!!
Stop letting me drink while doing my makeup. I think I used sharpie for eyeliner.
Just sold my panties for 40 bucks to some rando dude at the gay bar. I think I found a way to fund next years spring break trip. Hello cancun!
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