I blew a .224 after sleeping for 6 hrs, cleary im a champion
SHE has hooked up with both me and my sister. I don't even know what to say. If she goes for my parents next I may have to kill her
I found out that my first kiss was an Italian. Even in kindergarden i knew size mattered.
he was holding his dick in one hand and my boob in the other and i looked down and thought, this is my life
This hurricane better not stop me from sitting on the stoop thurs & enjoying all the slutty costume walkofshamers
I draw, I play three woodwind instruments, I press buttons for eight hours at work and Im studying to be a gynecologist... I guarantee I can make you squirt, babe.
This lady gave me four cups to go along with my gallon of daiquiri. Silly girl, all I need is a straw.
Just saw our highschool guidance counselor at the bar and he's taken six shots in the last hour. Those teenagers have fucking hardened him.
What the matter? A girl can't play some Super Mario without being accused of being high?
You got this. You survived the RA last semester (granted you almost got arrested but still.)
I just learned in class that female whales slap their fins against the water and then ten males come and fight for her yet we can't get guys to text us back
I'm eating a bagel on the toilet and watching porn. Trust me, I've got my priorities straight.
tell raye i said hi and sorry for bleeding on the limes
I am that special "drink water and be grateful I'm alive" kind of hungover
It occurred to me today, whilst I was on the phone to boyfriend number 1, whilst in the car with boyfriend number 2 who was dropping me at the shops to meet boyfriend number 3 to help me buy a present for boyfriend number 4 that I should be having much more sex than I am.
Randomize