just heard a tri-delta girl talking about her drunken escapades last weekend...it's like the exact plotline to a hardcore porno.
IT'S FRIDAY. So quit being a pussy, get out of bed, and come help me drink these 40s. That's not a request.
I'm gagging in the liquor aisle just thinking about how much alcohol I'll be drinking this weekend.
I should show up to the gym drunk more often. I felt like i really motivated all the fat people.
I'll always remember 2012 as the year I hooked up with countless girls who had the sides of their heads shaved.
He has what he calls a "Ben Franklin". It's a pubic hairdo based on the man himself; long on the sides and bald in the middle.
Why did I wake up to grapes taped my ears ?
Sorry dude, we didn't want you to hear us. Seemed like a good idea at the time.
Apparently I blacked out and started wrestling with some dude last night. Just found out I might have dislocated his shoulder. Best part: he still wants to bone me
I caught a glimpse of his penis. I can only imagine what your mom's vagina goes through because of that penis
You haven't demanded nudes today. You alright?
Is it against health code to come into work half drunk and commando?
Would you consider masturbating to Hocus Pocus an adulthood high or low?
I love how encouraging you are, but I need you to stop me when the guy I'm going home with is a dead ringer for Nick Cage.
How was jagerbomb pong?
It was like communism. Great in theory. Terrible when put into practice
One of my tenants at my fourplex that I own gave me a massive bag of severely dank pot and a brick of cocaine because she didn't have the cash to pay the rent. She might just be my favorite tenant!
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