fuck, i think i'm broken. Alchyhol air mattress = the suck.
Theres a baby at this concert double fisting pacifiers. shes gunna do great in college.
a girl just walked by me crying on the phone saying, "all I ever do is menstruate"
This year I'm going to try NOT getting arrested. I think the 30th birthday is the cutoff for calling Mom to bail me out.
Close. The correct answer is shitting in a public toilet. We also would have accepted the pit of despair.
the question is "speedos?" and the answer is "yes".
Pitting the remainder of the bottle against my hangover. I'm expecting an all out cage match for my soul and wellbeing.
Woke up in time for my 8:15
Good for you I'm impressed
I realized 10 minutes in it was a class from last semester
Pizza and koolaid didn't even make me feel better. This hangover means business
I just plagiarized Dr. Curtis Connor's ideology from Spider-man in an essay on genetically engineered embryos. College: academic integrity at its finest.
Tequila ran out around 11 so she let them do body shots of chips and guacamole instead
Can we be gay Bert and Ernie for Halloween?
The drive thru lady at McDonald's asked how I was and I responded by opening the car door and throwing up all over the drive thru lane. Happy Sunday.
Woke up way too warm in the middle of a spooning sandwich. Was working up a rant about still not wanting a threesome. Then I realized the littlest spoon was the dog. Might need to break up anyway.
She climbed in my window blew me and left. She's in my phone as the blow job fairy
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