somehow you got everyone naked by playing strip rock paper scissors.
According to google history I spent most of last night trying to buy an elephant.
And the funny thing is when I went to the kitchen this morning, all 4 pizzas were still there in their boxes, untouched. My question to you is: what were we eating last night?
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
Just got a nosebleed, my period and the runs all at the same time. I'm either dying, or this is the first sign of the apocalypse. You warning you in case it's the latter.
He is like a dragon that makes me want to spread my butt cheeks, so he can fill me with hot fire.
I'm not pregnant. Security came before he could.
We're both clumsy. What does this imply for our kids?
Helmets.
You decided it was too difficult to walk down the stairs so you just rolled across his kitchen floor laughing like a maniac and trying to drink at the same time
I guess "Ass Fun Friday" is not a thing no matter how many times I say it or bring it up in conversation...
He painted a swimsuit on me. Naked day at the lake was a success.
Friday is the holy day of drinking. Thou shalt observe the Sabbath. It's in the bible. Look it up bitch.
Here's an unsolicited pic of my tits, because you almost died last night.
Ok so I'm not gonna ignore the fact that you had sex on a frat basement floor and spent the last 4 years wondering how you got HPV
so i showed up to the bars in a sombrero and a tie as a headband... so yeah, they didn't let me in
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