Just once id like a girl to say to me in the dracula voice, i want...to suck...your dick...
We got so high yesterday we tried watching soccer
NEWS FLASH: A bottle of wine can fit into a taco bell cup.
Dad's drunk, trying to hook me up with a 43yo, and keeps saying one and done. Mom is on the verge of tears and disowning us. You missed a good birthday dinner.
Your brother came in a girls mouth for the first time last night... Ah the tales told whilst buying minors beer.
Called the cops on a high school party then went in after all the kids ran away and took the rest of the beer. What are you doing tonight?
OH FOR FUCKS SAKE! SOMEONE TOOK ME FOR A GODDAMN PROSTITUTE!! IM WEARING LEG WARMERS!!! THAT IS LIKE THE LEAST HOOKERISH THING TO WEAR!
Yes, yes I will fake crap in his house for you.
I appreciate you letting me know that the bird died but why didn't you do something about the corpse? or at least give me a heads up that it was still in the cage..Jesus
you have no idea how hungover I am. I can't deal with death right now.
I understand, but unless there is an intervention for me being planned, i DON NOT want to talk about my life choices
He woke me up, handed me a ringing phone and said break up w her for me. That hung over.
In hindsight, drunkenly yelling "I'M TICKLISH" might not have been an entirely wise decision
sorry for pouring tequila vodka and whiskey down your throat and left you to sleep on a table
How bad was it?
Stopped drinking Sunday, hungover on Tuesday bad.
I described my life as a 7 layer cake of death
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