I want to kish your cheek
My cheeks are in Michigan
Oh my lips are kind of stretchy
ran into someone who graduated hs with us while i was paying for booze in quarters. i love it when people from my past catch me in my classier moments.
I have a drunk 6th sense to lyrics of songs i dont know. It only works when i dance..
and after you realized your puke was bright blue, you started crying hysterically and screaming, "I DON'T WANT TO BE A SMURF!" no more uv blue for you.
i crunched every chip from the dorito bag and poured it in the vase. never again will i have to deal with cool ranch fingers.
ive got a scarf tied around my face holding bags of hashbrowns to it, im too boss to care
I almost just texted "I'm lonely" to my gynecologist.
Just got a ride from a stranger while walking a mile home as it hailed with no coat. He asked me if I smoked, then said he just made some potent cookies and I could have one.
The cookie was what I originally wanted to tell you. Always say yes to drugs from strangers
I heard the bride mutter "I should have brought a fucking tranquilizer". I'm not at all surprised that you got banned from the bar afterwards.
I called 911 when they kicked me out of the bar last night.
Why is there never any toilet paper at his apartment? What does he wipe his ass with? WHAT DOES HE WIPE IT WITH?!?
I just want to feed you taquitos and play with your boner and live happily ever after
Well, I have no idea where my underwear is, so yea I would say it was a good weekend.
Can’t. It’s taco and dick night.
I get sad thinking about all the sex I’m missing out on because of the virus
I instituted “quarantine and chill” months ago. It’s not like penises go soft just because they’re working at home.
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