His pickup line was "I'll eat you out"
He did it well too
Was it a mistake telling him I couldn't get the abortion until I was 2 months along on the first date?
We fucked twice, I went to the bathroom to freshen up, and came back to him playing "Your Body is A Wonderland" on his guitar naked in my bed.
i wanted to go smoke pot, so i told my mom i was getting tutored. she asked what time i would be back, i told her learning doesn't have a curfew
I gave them both handjobs at the same time. Felt like I was skiing
He introduced me to his parents as the girl he made out with on Thursday night...
I've been thinking about it and if we ever have a threesome it'll start off with us clothed solely in our matching fur vests
I was so drunk, I was kissing everyone. Their sexual preference was none of my concern.
The used rubbers I threw behind her bed all semester must have landed on the baseboard heater. They went up in smoke when she turned on the heat last night.
He's the kind you'd bring home and you'd wake up and all your food would be half eaten on the kitchen floor and all your socks would be missing.
Crazy how fast a room full of drunk teenagers sober up when someone breaks his parents' new flat screen
That girl is nothing but trouble. She's 40% red hair and 60% daddy issues.
Dude, you got arrested for trying to direct traffic with your dick....
I just borrowed porn from my middle aged mother. This is what desperate looks like.
Social anxiety problems: I just had to get up and change stalls mid-poop because someone sat down in the one next to mine.
Randomize