May or may not have just drunkenly opened my christmas presents. Greatly disappointed. Might break up sooner.
he was writing an apology letter to his liver in shakespearean english... That much fun...
Dude also, my grandma got me condoms for easter and kind of winked. I don't know what to think
everytime someone would look at you, you started to try and deep throat your beer bottle.
Two portable blenders. We are going to be popular and dangerous.
Fell in the ditch running from the pizza guy I stole the pizza from. If you are still at my house come find me, pretty sure I need stitches.
You do resemble something that has been used as a chew toy.
I am expending an amazing amount of energy to not throw up right now
I can feel the judgmental stares of Christians from around the world right now.
dude, no lie, I would make out with you in front of them wearing nothing but a rainbow colored speedo
Did u smell a guys dreadlocks in the McDonald's drive thru line last night or did I dream that?
Just scratched my head and I basically rained glitter.
My brother is so high right now he's eating frozen peas and called them "fucking delightful"
holy shit the yoga instructor bought his baby pig to class today
I'm with the cops, Trish's gay husband stabbed himself and is framing her for attempt of murder and I'm dressed 4 the club I'm wearing leather pants leather jacket leather boots and black club top. Embarrassed
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