I told her i was enlisting in the air force tomorrow.....it was like the activation code to her vagina
I feel like royalty, that girl from last night had a vajazzled vag. Bucket list complete.
they call him Oral-B. enough said
There are too many people and smells in this elevator for my hangover to handle.
Then, halfway through our conversation, I remembered what you drunkenly told me last night and was all "maintain eye contact, do not look at his massive penis".
The last text I sent him was about nachos. Frankly, if he can't respond positively to that he can fuck off...
I woke up naked wrapped in my roommate's towel with one leg shaved and money thrown all over the room. Happy 21st birthday.
last night i fell off a barstool and busted my nose. i can regretfully say that i didn't see cherub last night.
I guess I asked for the two old strippers numbers at the end of the bar and it turned out to be the bartenders mom and aunt...
I don't even think NICOLE made a fool of herself last night...
your aware she lit herself on fire, right?
I'm sorry but it's something you and your A cups wouldn't understand.
So i woke up on a park bench... Using my shoe as a pillow, cuddling a empty handle of vodka... Yet I'm still in my living room. Someone please tell me why all my vodkas gone? I'll deal with the park bench situation at a later time.
Oral sex and brunch. The perfect sunday morning.
In hindsight, maybe rearranging his living room because he has OCD while he was out wasnt the greatest idea. Though it'll keep him busy for HOURS
I wish he’d realize all I want is dick. He’s my boytoy. He’s a stunt cock. \n\nCome over, fuck me silly, eat some leftovers, fuck me again, then go back to the frat house
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