I have glitter on my penis. Do you know anything about this?
So theres a slight possibility i may not graduate according to planned because i was out getting laid instead of studying. And im okay with that.
Dude, I think my check liver light just came on
Wackin it to the USA womens soccer team. My own personal way of saying job well done.
It makes me really sad that some people start their saturdays running or biking instead of with 3 shots of tequila, a sausage biscuit, freaks & geeks and 2 orgasms.
The instructions say refer to specific course material, but I'm in no mood to reopen this awful book that caused me so many lost hours of drinking.
Yeah FUCK THAT NOISE
The fact that you're allowing Santa to dry hump your ass is sort of a dealbreaker
OMG. Dad just threw a 100 dollar bill down on the table for a girl to lift her shirt. I think he was kidding, but...
Just got arrested in my crocs and rolled up pants with a mr rogers sweater for literally fucking nothing can u come get me?
Idk I've been drinking all day and they're having me blow shit up. Like dont let the drunk chick play with fire and explosives. Common sense 101. I will fuck something up
If there aren't any tits where you are, you're doing it wrong.
If I could drink as much and have the amount of sex he has at his age, well I'd probably be dead
She's gonna be mad if she finds out you put weed in her house warming cookies
I think/hope James is drunk. He's standing in the front lawn loudly declaring "I AM a popsicle!" Over and over....
There's something sensual about taking off a pair of socks.
Randomize
