I make my boyfriend pay for half of my birth control. We call it his monthly rent.
MTV running anti-sexting commercials is a slap in the face to everything our generation has accomplished.
I know it may not be fiscally responsible to pregame fifty cent night, but I'm gonna go ahead and do it anyway.
Just kicked a guy in his penis in order to win a dance contest on Bourbon....desperate.
either i blacked out mid-sex but remember the beginning and end, or he really only lasted a couple of minutes
mom and dad are asleep. time to fish my half-full bottle of wine out from under my bed and give this christmas visit a pick-me-up.
"half-full" seems a little optimistic for the turn your night is taking.
passed a homeless guy with a sign that read "420 vetran" we gave him a bowl of bud
Today needs to die. The mail delivery guy watched me throw up in my yard while taking my chihuahua out in Christmas pajamas at noon. Low point in my life.
dude my grandma just called my dealer. How does this shit happen to me
I love being high. The owl outside stopped who-ing and I could swear I just heard someone say, "Okay, that's a wrap!"
You chugged 6 beers in a row and then outed your boss at a party last night.
I turned around and there were three 10 year old kids running around with sparklers. Weirdest college part ever.
Welcome to Philly.
That's a lot of judgement coming from a man wearing a dress made from a bedsheet.
I DO have hobbies! I drink. I drink more. I catfish men on Grindr with photos of guys who are less attractive than me. I listen to Lovecraftian podcasts. I'm very well-rounded.
So I figured out why that guy from Tinder stopped messaging me back. He got married.
Randomize