I want to be a jewelry store heckler. "Hey man, is she really worth it"
giving a blow job on a jetski isn't as easy as it sounds.
some how when im high sleep beats hunger...its like how paper beats rock it doesnt make any fucking sense but it still happens
u got into a flexing contest with a dude in bathroom in the mirror at the club
This is the 4th time we've hooked up, and this morning we woke up, he got out of bed and left. Left me alone in his apartment with 3 of his friends. Without even a word. Why do i like this guy?
I don't think my body can handle the alcohol I want to put in it anymore.
I blew him and did charles barkley impressions at the same time. what a pro
They're not that bad of drunks, they come back to the vehicle with more stuff than they went in with, so its a profitable venture.
Two months ago an unknown man was in my bed and now he is my boyfriend and he has 1.6 million in the bank and he buys me things because I only have $4.35 in my bank account
It could happen to you too!
I was so gone I thought the cops banging on my door were kids from the party trying to get into my room... needless to say, I started moaning louder so they would take the hint.
if I blackout nd am found tomorrow w butterfly hairclips on my nipples and my habd down my pants tell my family I am sorry
Woke up next to a half eaten Philly Cheesesteak. Honestly probably one of the top 3 things I've ever woken up next to.
I've spent hours masturbating before. It's actually my favorite Sunday activity
Drunk me left sober me a shower beer in expectation of Hurricane Harvey. Drunk me is the best.
My nipples are raw, I've yet to go to bed, I feel like death, and I'm at work. Thank you jack, crown, and Lafayette!
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