Hey I found a place that'll do a hand job for 42 bucks
Drinking Grey Goose on the toilet. Don't make me graduate.
The football player sitting in front of me just googled himself. Only 4 articles came up. That's why he plays at Utah State.
You broke out your mechano set and told us you were gonna "build us a beer machine" and 5 min later you were fast asleep
I don't think my prof knows we've noticed her No Bra Fridays.
Pretty sure I was rubbing Halloween candy all over my face and saying "these are my bitches."
I woke up this morning in the house, I didn't realize it was physically possible to duct tape a person to the wall...
I think we r still a few steps from ex sex. In fact, that's never going to happen. I'm just saying on the seething-chemical-fire-of-emotional-distress-to-post -relationship-intercourse scale, I'm closer to fucking than throttling. Progress is fun.
HE FINALLY TEXT ME AND CALLED ME BY MY TWITTER NAME STAND BY FOR THE WEDDING INVITE, BRIDESMAID
We broke into the kitchen, stole cooking aprons, and wore them on the dance floor.
Then you're three pancakes deep in regret.
Come get your pancakes and take a nap in my boobs.
Well, the night started out with you ALMOST falling out of a tree. Then we went back to the tree after about 9 shots and you DID fall out of the tree.
On a scale of 1 to hungover I’m definitely throwing up at the office today.
Right before he dumped me... he got a really ugly pair of pants. They were twill pants. A pinkish color. When I'm sad... I picture him in them. It makes me smile.
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