Whats the count minus fat chicks?
i remember getting really pissed off when you wouldn't let me sleep in the garage with your cat.
I think their strategy was based on people bein at a beach, seein a rainbow, and havin an orgasm at the same time.
Stripperoke is exactly what it sounds...
I told them I got hit by a car again and now im pretty sure they think im being abused but there was no way in hell the truth was going to fly. Employed people aren't supposed to break their faces in piggy back ride accidents.
Apparently it's ok to apply for building permits drunk. I feel like there definitely is a law preventing that.
We were naked in bed for hours and we didn't have sex. Either he's gay or he wants to respect me. Neither of which I approve of.
Note for the future: whiskey syrup is AMAZING on 3am pancakes.
Did you guys seriously let me trade my id for a kebab last night??
I am 48% hangover, 48% bruises and 2% fingers I'm texting with.
I think a van full of parolees just blew me kisses. Thoughts?
I don't know which is worse, the fact that he can say will you fuck me in so many languages or that I'm turned on because of that
Dear awkwardly drunk roommate, thanks for stuffing enough change in my clevage that I could afford a pepsi at work today. Sincerely awesome roommate that put up with your drunk ass
Oh my god. I slept with my boyfriend last night. It was wonderful.
And when I say my boyfriend I mean my electric blanket. Because that's the kind of life I lead.
She's nice. But even when I am with her I am thinking of her mom, literally the hottest woman on earth.
Randomize
