im about as happy as oj after his trial
i have to go see a new gyno today. he's a male. i just took 3 shots of tequila. its almost like freshman year... drink alcohol, meet a strange man, let him play with my vagina.
do you have any idea why i woke up naked spooning my toaster?
i should start naming my morning wood
great idea but wrong number
Shoot me. Guy hitting on me with a beaver on his head. Says it is his spirit animal.
WHATEVER CLASS IS PLAYING "TOOT IT AND BOOT IT" AT 8:30 IN THE MORNING, I WANT IN.
Scored tix to flower show. Do we want to go drunk on Saturday or hungover on Sunday? Only two options.
We made a bong out of a plastic football. I can honestly say we make a good team.
So there I was praying he didn't go limp again, choking on a long, long gray ball hair. This is my Saturday night. This. Is. My. Life.
What vodka is american?
Skyy. I already looked it up for 4th of july.
the worst part was waking up this morning to his skrillex ringtone.....when was it ever okay for friends to let other friends go home WITH GUYS LIKE THAT!?
I just have to point out that once I typed "fa" my phone filled in "fatass"
I am drunk at 8am listening to Cyndi Lauper and dressed up in a penguin suit
I just lost my handcuff virginity and not in the sexy way.
His parents bailed him out, the police said they found him on a curb trying to call people on his wallet, hahha. He had his wallet open to his ear callin people
Randomize
