The crazy thing is, I dont actually know where the cat is, she said something bout the back of the toilet and a sock.
Don't remember much from last night, but I recall slipping you the tounge. For that I apologize
At this point do you think buying mom a pot plant would be funny or highly inappropriate?
I'm writing my will in case I die this week, it'll be saved on my computer under: little 500 death scenario
You texted me "Americans are sad" and "chicken coop disaster" without any further explanation.
Great. Woke up in Ts room wearing one sock, a glove and a beret with a sorrority chick CLEARLY out of my league. Jose Cuervo you ARE a friend of mine.
Its official vodka lemonade jager and whiskey with coorslight is a bad combination of try to forget the work week cocktail ps bring alkaseltzer
Thought it only fitting this Jubilee weekend to snort lines with a 50 note
Your patriotism amazes me, the Queen would be proud!
You made a course evaluation for your vagina? Wow. You really are a professor now.
I think I died and satan has brought me back to life and I'm paying for my sins with this hangover
Dude, they hit that lizard part of my brain that tells me to fuck people.
Preach sister.
I tried to text you about going to the Lion's Den but sent it to my boss. She was down for it. Please advise.
i showed up really high and was trying to not be,so in order to not seem high, i got plastered
Grandma cant send me 4 lbs of gummi bears and expect me not to soak them in some sort of alcohol
what do u think we would be doing right now if we were together
Urinating on unicorns
Randomize
