Who wears a wallet chain?!
I am pretty sure he just licked my hand while trying to sing goo goo dolls iris to me. Get me out of this state.
Vanilla vodka + chocolate soymilk does NOT equal an epic milkshake.
She threw her promise ring on the ground, that's when the freak came out.
Softest bathroom rug I've slept on in my life, there have been many
I feel like I just lived out a children's book called "The Day I Went to Law School Stoned"
I vaguely remember stopping for a bag of bugles and some lube and then I woke up this morning with melted chocolate on my hands. I think I love him
i think smoking weed in a ladies bathroom on the beach with two dudes might be the shadiest thing ive done in a while
CAN I EVER JUST MAKE OUT EITH SOMEONE AND NOT GET FRIEND REQUESTED BY THEM THE NEXT DAY.
I'm 50% sure my cousin put weed in these deviled eggs.
There's "red head", "preppy white girl" and "the two Asians I dated and now everyone thinks I like Asians"
Your dating history is like the united colors of Benetton
we were both freshly single and using each other as rebounds. most intense sex I've ever had. i felt like a grizzly bear emerging from hibernation in a whirlwind of sexual fury
his first fb message to me in 3 years was "is your cock open for business?" im blocking him
Before we have sex for the first time I would like "eye of the tiger" to be playing to mentally prepare me for what I'm about to endure.
My face feels like a midget just gave birth to quintuplets
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