Tampa is so boring. I'm dying. I want lots of cleavage at my funeral. If i cant get laid, i want my friends to. I'm that kind of person
New discovery: doing the Helen Keller is not as attractive as I thought it would be, in reference to the sex noises.
I think it's safe to say me, swords and vodka can never be aloud in the same room again.
He was having trouble staying hard then just stopped mid-sex and said "it's overheating" while pointing to his dick.
guess who's bored in chemistry researching how to sneak weed through airport security in her vagina?
in line at jewel. the cashier is puking in a garbage can while ringing up customers. glad to know im not the only one that 2012 is kicking in the face already.
Figured out how I got so much alcohol in my hair: tried to drink my drink using my cleavage as a cup holder. Missed my drink hole and got it all in my hair
I am literally sitting here with a jar of Nutella and a spoon, reading an article called "never drink alone again because now there's wine for cats." How single am I?
Like not to be gross, he was eating me out while I was smoking a bowl. It was like a rap video
There's no time frame.
For drinking wine out of the bottle and taking nyquil at 9 AM? There probably should be.
We woke up on vday and got high and played frisbee in our living room for a couple hours and then had sex. It was probably the most romantic valentine's day i've ever had
She came into the salon and said, "Don't judge me. Yes that's cum in my hair and I want a shampoo, cut and style."
During my first week as an adjunct prof, I played a fiercely fought game of squash with a law student and we wound up having hot, sweaty, angry sex right on the floor of the court. She is either the best or worst thing to happen to my academic career. Will let you know.
HIGH AS FUCK. JUST WATCHED THE TRIPPIEST VIDEO EVER. IM NOT SCARED OF PANDAS. I GOTTA GO. TRIPPIN AGAIN
I really love you. Like, more than tequila...& we both know that's my favorite.
Randomize