PS the last 3 guys I've hooked up with were a CEO, a mechanical bull operator and a magic the gathering player...I need a type...
Ur type is ready and willing
we should go somewhere reaaaaaal shady
he farted when he came. not the best ending to my day.
i'm sitting in the library realizing that the 2 most productive things i did this weekend was have sex and go to the liquor store...
laughing at 16 and pregnant while fucking w/o a condom....
i always knew you were classy
Do you remember calling me a cuntasaurus rex last night?
"guaranteed dick" "anywhere - her room, my room, trees, couch"
Sorry that was quotes about you from the grad student.
I swear I can't go out anymore. It's like he put a GPS in my dick. I don't know if I should feel awkward or proud...
Do you remember peeing in the sink while I was throwing up?
No ma'am, I do not. I found a video of us trying to do a trust fall though. Emphasis on the trying.
Is there like a dick file on me? Guys can't hold two dicks anymore?! Who are you people????
I am the Angelina Jolie to his Billy Bob Thorton. We just don't work.
And I had on a penis ring on the whole time at dinner. And I ate veal...
Have you ever had a pregnancy test laugh at you?
And you know what the worst part is? Because of him I can now relate to a goddamn Taylor Swift song. FUCK. MY. LIFE.
How... how did you get Adam Lambert's shoes? Does he know you have them? DID YOU STEAL ADAM LAMBERT'S SHOES?! Oh my God I am so turned on right now.
Randomize
