Raise your hand if you bought 2 annoying girls shots of water. CLOWNS.
At first I felt shameful, waking up naked next to a box of oreos and half a can of cake frosting...then I realized, this could be a bigger discovery than Atlantis.
This is getting serious. I keep forgetting what's in my vagina.
I just spread your mom's ashes with my new girlfriend. I wouldve waited for you to fly home but she was uncomfortable in the house with her remains there. I'll mail you the urn since u handpainted it.
YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND ALREADY!?! WTF WE JUST HAD HER FUNERAL 3 WEEKS AGO!!!!!!!!!!!!
If I have to go to the hospital can we stop by the liquor store on the way?
Lesson learned. Whipped cream will eat through a condom.
VODKAVODKAVODKAYESSSS
who's job is it to make sure we don't run out of tp since the incident of 09'... Thats right you go get some
Seriously? You DON'T remember putting all those Swedish fish in the waffle iron b/c you wanted "One big Swedish fish?" That waffle iron was a wedding gift.
I still feel like a bad person. A shoulder to cry on became a dick to suck.
I told you, I'm taking a sledgehammer to your walls. Fuck your walls.
I'm Batman.
Dude you spoke to a girl about CRICKET. She MUST want sex
We are all done wearing pants today
You know it's NBA season when you compare head to 3 pointers.
I’m going to have to rewatch all of them. Drugs, man.
Randomize
