best part, i was ridiculous and none of them were judging me bc they didn't want my vagina. it was like i was a pretty painting
maybe you should start leaving anonymous bottles of booze on his doorstep with love notes attatched. that always gets me.
i need to know the scientific term for a guy's taint so i can explain what i did last night.
Should study in library more often, procrasturbating is less of an option.
This is drunk me apologizing to sober me in advance.. I am sprry about you're trashed house. Mom an dad will be home by 5 so get up and clean. P.s. Mike is in the closet passed out.
The pet store wouldn't sell us fish because they said they could tell we were drunk.
I can't believe I had to convince you to not drink butter.
Old men love us. For they have fine taste and disturbing minds.
I woke up wearing a lax pinnie under my shirt, a triathlon medal, and a dora backpack... I think I had fun
Buying her a drink is like giving a seagull a French fry, all you're gonna do is get annoyed and shit on
You just sat there for two solid hours staring at your monitor and every five minutes screamed "LEGOOOOOS"
The last thing I remember is singing hotel California with a hobo and asking every bald man I saw if I could touch his head.
WHAT HAS MY LIFE COME TO I'M MAKING A SCARF FOR A PENIS
My mother just set me up with the son of the man I fucked last weekend. I could crawl under a rock and die OR I could remember the rules of genetics and hope that JR takes after daddy. Wish me luck...
Yes. With one-hundred percent positivity I can say yes, I do not want you covered in waffles and syrup when I come home.
Randomize
