your drunk exhusband is tryin to get with my drunk exgirlfriend. i think its funny. if you still talk to him dont say anything.
we're not divorced.
you were so drunk you tried to use the microwave as a calculator for your BAC
dude ... she has a full length mirror in her shower, don't even tell me shes not dtf
Their house warming gift for us was a half case of keystone and getting the cops called..
My mom woke me up in a bubble bath this morning.
you don't know true fear until you are a convinced that velociraptors are trying to kill you through your roof.
I seriously told a stripper I would hold her hand when she goes to get ass implants.
I'm going to get like 25 drinks at their wedding and just leave them sitting around or give them to hobos.
Hey have you ever thought about fishing cause I'd like to go fishing but don't know anyone that fishes and I'm gonna cry because. FISHING
what's the proper way to say, "I'm sorry for puking on you and your bed mid hook up then going downstairs and fucking your roommate because you locked me out of your room completely naked...?"
He just pulled a Spanish chick using google translate!!!! We are at the bar and she speaks zero English. Hes a fucking magician!!!!!!
It's like all the guys I keep around if I wanna have sex with all got mad at the same time. I guess I'll get out my vibrator again.
I don't know who he was but he was covered up with a shower curtain and ate a whole bottle of tums
Nothing much. Just taking shots of tequila before I go get a bikkini wax. You?
You think I could convince him that having sex with another girl isn't cheating?
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