Oh shit. I just had to lure him into the bedroom so I could take the list of his negative qualities off the fridge so he wouldn't see.
You finger a girl once and she thinks she loves you. I'm going back to boys. Lesbians are needy.
i think the whole apartment complex could hear you beating off last night
This smoking ban is really fucking with my ability to fart in public
You left half a beer on someones car and claimed it was a second day of hanakuh gift
I don't know how but I have our hotel room door handle in my purse... this can not be good
I'm glad you trust me to be your sex stat keeper.
I woke up to the sound of a beer can being opened. I love him already
I just told my sister I love her. I'm in no condition to drive.
Okay Im going to go have some sex apparently. I hope this chick is prepared the zero effort Im going to put into it.
I just ate four packages of Swiss Rolls. Being high and on food stamps is AHmazing.
If a vagina could give out awards, you should be preparing an acceptance speech.
I think it's awesome that you're getting shower sex advice from a Mormon.
STOP SETTING ME UP WITH GUYS YOU MEET ON CRAIGSLIST
He would come to class in wrapped in nothing but a pink towel
Randomize
