guess who was drunk and crawling in the middle of the road and got brought home by the police last night? HINT: ME
I just put a tampon in while driving. Don't tell me I don't got skills.
We woke up in an inflatable kiddie pool full of both empty and full beer cans. In the middle of his dad's office. Oh, and we were locked in. Nobody remembers.
she passed out facedown in my lap while I was playing piano. 11 years of piano lessons finally paid for themselves.
its sad im about to start saving up for how drunk i need to be for the holidays
Sorry I dragged you across a parking lot
we did shots in class this morning as part of a presentation. WHY AM I LEAVING THIS COUNTRY?!
You got in the cab and told the cab driver "we only have seven bucks so you better drive fucking fast".
its so sad we are done celebrating 21st bdays everytime one of us turned 21 everyone else got laid
Please assure him that the flying penis statue is for display purposes only.
Jasmine is diving into bushes again.
Found an old burrito under my bed
You are a sick fuck
I would like to dedicate my cray behavior this week to my uncontrollable hormones and wine. Both have totally Efff'ed with my life.
Best feeling in the world is getting a random boob pic from a drunk chick at 3 am.
I NEED TO TAKE A FUCKING BREAK. MY VAGINA IS SMOKING.
Randomize
