Thank God they found balloon boy, I was afraid that Michael Jackson was ordering take out from heaven.
We aren't going to mix hockey and sex texts tonight.
I totally agree. all sexting is on hold till after the games over.
Playoffs. This shit is serious.
Why did you put hummus in my pillow case?
Only mom could turn an abortion day into a shopping day
My vagina supports interfraternal relations
Piecing together the sordid story from witness accounts and photographic evidence, courtesy of Fcebook. My night included Mojitos, lighting the bar on fire and declaring myself the Queen of Nerds when I stole someone's flashing tiara. Woke up this morning with a velvet cape and plastic scepter to match. Mojitos are awesome!
Just so you know, your wedding is in the same place I gave my first bj.
My new boobs got me 12 drinks at the concert. Whose the real winner here?
I do not mind being torn from the first touches of sleep to see a man who looks like that
Two words: blizzard sex
All I could think about while we were fucking was what Hogwarts house he would be in
YOUUUU FUCKING FURRYYYY
I DIDN'T COME HERE TO BE SLANDERED LIKE THIS
I'd say I was is in rare form last night but it's becoming pretty common.
my dad just liked my status about my bowl being stolen even he feels my pain
Do dollar stores sell vibrators?
Randomize
