Apparently 'she used to sleep with my brother' is not an acceptable answer to how do you know each other.
If your wondering where your blanket is, I put it on the 2 guys you brought home last night. Their still sleeping outside on the trampoline.
just used my nephews bottle to take my birth control
My cat was watching porn with me. Weirdest bonding experience ever.
The stock is going waaaaay up on that picture of my pussy with a bowtie on it.
He really only has clothes, like 4 boogie boards, and a bong here.
I only get hit on by people going through their midlife crisis. Yes, I did purposely write that gender neutral.
So i know i said I'm turning over a new leaf, but i met a guy with a dick piercing. I have to sleep with him. For science.
My early Valentine's Day one night stand just took an uber home. Thank you, technology, for letting me enjoy this day in peace. 😍
Oh my fucking god, I was conceived on the first date.
I mean, she's batshit insane and once choked a guy with one hand but she's still MILF material in my book.
Dear Andy-the problem is not that I slept with your girlfriend, it's that you didn't know she's a lesbian.
Does sending her to the conference instead of a competent employee and putting her in a suite make up for banging her husband behind her back?
No, but she’ll have a nice memory when she gets dumped and fired on the same day.
Slowly dying because of my period and my phone is mocking me because I have 69% battery
She should be a lawyer. She convinced her husband to give her a hall pass AFTER he walked in on her in bed with her ex-bf
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