So, just so you know... Your vasectomy worked.
bonus
So I accidentally txted this girl with the same name as the one im seeing, as it turns out shes still dtf
I'm going to make him fall in love with me one blow job at a time.
two gay guys came in and bought just a kite and a box of wine. Why cant I have saturday nights that awesome
The kid that passed out is still in the bathtub filled with ice and the empties
Just shook hands with the bud light truck driver, thanked him for his service to our country
I woke up with a bloody knee, 6 burn marks on my thigh and glitter nails If anyone asks I'm going to say You came into town
I didn't want to but I was drunk in a Disney bathroom with her and had a weak moment.
You don't understand. There's baclava and there's post sex baclava. You can't compare the two.
and i do believe that will be the last time you send me a photograph of our mother in her underwear.
I thought my broken hand would put a damper on Halloween, but fake costume eyelashes and hydrocodone are kinda fun at the same time.
it's gotten to the point where I just look in my closet, think, "which article of clothing behaves most like a towel?" and then just go with that
Should we go get some celebratory "I'm not pregnant" tacos?
i was really depressed when i left the health dept this morning after i had to write a higher number next to "partners" than "age"
You ran outside mistaken the snow for sand and started screaming "WHERES TH BEACH"
Randomize
