They have to be talking about me. I never heard that statement until I was born.
I googled "I hate my uterus" just to make sure I wasn't the only one.
apparently people get pissed when you take the bag of wine out of the franzia box and put it in your purse before leaving the party
My hand is eating my burrito and not saving any for my mouth. TRIPPPPPPPPPPPPPPINN!
She kept saying "I'm going to hell" the entire time we were fucking. I really wasn't sure what to do... so I agreed with her.
That was definitely the right answer.
I keep reminding myself that my vagina isn't a homeless shelter.
Sorry for drunk singing "love hurts" to you at 3 am.
He stripped down to boxers and then started flinging jello shots with a spoon into people's mouths like a catapult.
Wanna go watch Transformers and scream "AMERICA!"? I need a no thought activity
Ima go for a jog. and I'm going to jog until I throw up a lung. then I'll crawl home.
On an unrelated note, i found out who duct taped shoelaces to my face
i ran into my coworkers when i was walking home last night. i was shirtless. i think i gave my shirt to Walter. he's a cat.
im still drunk. birthday week begins.
"willing to pay anyone fun whos willing to hang out and laugh at my jokes while my friends are MIA" is this to desperate?
I love this text stream: discussing the development of a business model centered around cooking acid to bankroll a yacht trip in Croatia
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. It doesn't matter what it's about. Last text was about a homeless dude
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