Pick my eyebrow is burning. I'm sitting in the back of dolows vat and listening to jolly music and wilfgang is signing and looking food. Cute kid. Home is where I go now.
what. the. fuck.
Michael Bay diarrhea
i hope whoever thought of bagged wine flip cup last night has the same hangover as me. not ok.
ive come to the point where weve hung out more times sober than drunk. i think im growing up. fuck.
Protocol on turning down a date from someone in the House of Representatives?
you were wearing a pair of wings and handing out McDonalds apple pies, if anyone refers to you as the "Rave Fairy" you now know why.
THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
"DO YOU LIKE FLYING KITES" WORKED AS A PICKUP LINE. SUCK IT.
WHAT GOOD IS APPRECIATING IF NOBODY'S NAKED
okay, but you can't tell anyone. Every time he instagrams something with the caption "avocado," it means he's booty calling me. Happy?
He used his penis as a drumstick on my back and had me guess what song he was playing.
Yeah, great now I will be tampon girl
I have "if found please return to" written in sharpie on my arm, my uterus is rejecting everything, and I have hickies. I must actually be an 18 year old piece of shit girl instead of a responsible 23 year old
I mean, it's a romantic picture of pubes if I've ever seen one
Dont... please don't. Don't fuck him on his bean bag bed
Nah, we’re just sitting around talking about different kinds of boners
Randomize
