dude, that girl smelled worse than the great depression.
at church Sunday morning I dropped an M&M down my dress and it landed in my bra. I fished it out and ate it. A lot of people saw me.
I think east. Tornado watch. What the fuck are you doing in Texarkana?
Bonnaroo. Tornado watch? Expand on that thought.
Watch for tornadoes.
Well, shes famous, an alcoholic, hillarious, and has big boobs.... Pretty much my only aspirations in life.
His facebook status was woke up with a whale ..... Captain AHAB IS BACK !!!!!
I'm going to leave the fate of whether I go to my midterms up to my dealer hitting me up or not
That's what you get for fucking someone nicknamed "wiggle worm"
My vag has a bald spot. That is so middle aged. Is this my midlife crisis?
I'll just tell your children you were the queen of drunk town and you had a giant purple monkey named bongo
I will turn myself into a beacon of get at me bro
His ex-girlfriend just gave his current girlfriend the heimlach omg omg omg help this is so awkward
You were drunk enough to sled down a highway off ramp in your pajamas….
When ur uncle gives you free weed, you take it
We're listening to drake in the middle of the woods and smoking two joints at once...my life is complete.
Sexual Dilemma - Covid Edition: Flirting with a cute frat boy. The Cougar in me wants to go back to his frat house and fuck his cocky brains out. The adult in me doesn’t want to get Covid and have to quarantine in a frat house for 2 weeks\n
Randomize
