Sandwiches eeeeeeverywhere.
no, no, no. omg. i said i wanted a SANDWICH! not a picture of your dick. damn cant you read? SANDWICH! now im blinded. great job.
Having a dry hump session to Alvin and the chipmunks surprisingly didn't kill the mood. He's that good.
pretty sure that drunk girl we saw climbing the stairs is now DJing this club....
i was like his sober eyes girls would come up to us, show us theirs and if approved by me blew him, if rejected they went to my truck with a bottle of patron
just filed my taxes drunk as balls. i may be going to jail.
Can we make a pact that if we're 40 and still sluts that aren't married we can get civil unioned the fuck up and raise an asian baby as our own?
Turning 21 will be slightly bittersweet. Never again will I be able to get underage drunk at Disney World, now I'll only be able to get legal drunk and that just sets a whole different and sad tone for my life.
What did he say?
NOTHING. GODDAMN HIM AND HIS MAGICAL PENIS!
It feels like the devil is humping my brain with his razor sharp erection.
Explain why there's a meatball in my bong
I can't trust your balls anymore.
I'm sorry I've been mean recently but tbh it really turns me on seeing you cry so it might happen a lot..... You're a pretty crier I don't get it
While buying Plan B the lady at the counter looked at me and said hope you have a successful night as I walked away in shame
Dude this weed has me so paranoid.
Yeah tell me about it I just screamed after I coughed because my own cough scared me.
Randomize
