We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
textsfromlastnight.com keeps rejecting me
that alone proves you never get laid, nor have a life.. or have anything funny to contribute to the world.
he's chasing his jose cuervo with hot tub water
Can't a girl send out a 4 pm booty call anymore
My mom just saw the bruise on my chest from the bite mark he left. Played it off that I hit myself w a box of beauty products. She believed me. God I love working retail sometimes.
Please don't smoke the bong in the bathroom while you shit. It is not a shitting bong.
I think the worst part about being a real adult is 1)having a high stress job that makes me want to get stoned 2)paying for reefer using my own money 3)realizing my boyfriends children probably have more weed connections than I do anymore
sometimes a perk of being a drug dealer is amazon gift cards. who knew?
just woke up on the floor of my shower...it was still runnning
omg how embarrassing to not hear the delivery person knocking because you're singing "where are you Pizza" to the tune of "where are you christmas" too loudly
i tried to break up pigeon sex because one looked too young to consent. fireball feminism ftw
I FUCKED THE WRONG FRIEND HELP ME
CRAIGSLIST IS NOT THE ANSWER
IM LONELY AND HORNY
He fucked me for my Netflix login, I fucked him for his HBO login, and actually I think that's beautiful
when you come over can you bring tequila and my birth control? Thanks girl!
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