Gonna be late. Someone jumped in front of our train.
How many times a week can a couple have a threesome with the same guy before it becomes some sort of 3-way relationship?
In case you were wondering, my scare crow is wearing your outfit from last night.
You insisted I take photos of you vomiting off the top of the tree.
Its like after 6 beers, the clap doesn't scare me anymore.
Every single time I start thinking that we shouldn't have done that to him, I think of his ballsack in our passed out faces. No sympathy.
The bottle I was drinking out of splintered on the bottom, there was glass in my hand, I pulled it out with my teeth... Not the best night for Drunk Kevin
I locked the porch door but I left a spare key on top of the keg on the side of the house
I think theres a high possibility i could be flammable.
all i remember of last night is that i was drinking jameson and then NOTHING i do remember walking a dog though\nwhich is sooo fucking weird
OH MY GOD ITS COMING BACK I PUT THE DOG IN THE HOTTUB TOO
I just find it funny that nobody ever threatens to call the cops on us until we have a Harry Potter party
The fun I thought I would be having now when I was six is vastly different from what I am currently doing. Hurraaay sex and vicodin.
At a bar across from the city police station. I PROMISE I will do something great.
At least you didn't sleep with Ashley's uncle.
i'm not sure you can trust me in a car with 20 dozen donuts
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