If you want her to think you're a true humanitarian, you may want to stop referring to Hands Across America as "the Ghostbusters 2 of fund raisers."
My Hamptons summer hookup resume reads like a walk-in clinic waiting list.
Am I allowed to make my facebook status "loves farting in chairs"? I think it would shock every boy that I am friends with.
Why are all the lights on in my house? Every single one. Someone should turn them off but I'm the only one here and I'm sure as hell not doin it.
It's all fun and games until the last slice of pizza gets bong water spilled on it.
omg. don't know how to spell his name, but hot new zealand guy's dick is magic
I'm not sure what happened last night, but my turtle seems afraid of me.
We did naked snow angels in 14 degree weather, you can't tell me you had more liquor at that party
Right but I don't wanna waste the whole weekend not having sex when we could be having sex
Well that's the thing. He does want to take me out... To a strip club. I see this going down a very bad road but you know I'm going to go.
I SHOULD NOT BE HAVING AN EXISTENTIAL CRISIS OVER PIZZA
You ate ashes out of my bong
This is why I can't take dates to shows... I've literally made out with everyone in this band. And two of the guys in the crowd. And the bartender.
We did blind alcohol taste testing and she got 10 of 10. I'm in love.
She woke up, peed in the sink and then passed out again, it's only 2 in the afternoon
Randomize
