i hope when i become a housewife i'm more of a gretchen and less of a vicky
You tired to make Beefaroni in the Mr. Coffee machine.
He tried to bang a 300 pounder last night. No joke. I shotgunned a tall boy in a bar cuz the bartender didn't crack the beer. Cant wait till Nashville.
I booty called her while she was in labor.
The weekend is off to a good start: she just got into a verbal fight with a hobo. Nearly a fist fight.
I don't know how or when he is sober long enough to donate plasma
You're doing a terrible job of letting me hook up with girls vicariously through you.
But college guys get to crossfade so there's that
No idea what that is
Like getting bent? When you drink and smoke together...
I'm 30 stop using your cool kids words
He realized that I was watching deadliest catch while we were jerkin off on FaceTime.
you know it's been too long when the heat of a pizza box on your lap turns you on.
I'm eating chocolate cake while this guy snaps me from the gym. Like I cant believe i actually considered getting rid of this cake. Have fun sweating ima eat this cake 👌
Ethically, this is the worst thing I've ever done. Financially, however...
he force fed me pizza, ripped my clothes off, almost broke the couch, and actually broke my nose. it was a good night, i'd say 😂
Do you think it would be weird to wear a shirt that says 'big fun small package' from an ex for a first date?
He made me promise not to describe his penis in detail to you....oops.
Randomize
