How do you jack off and text at the same time?
On my iPhone they have an app for that
why did i save someone in my phone as corn dildo?
how hairy? two words: wookie tits
I would rather wake up to a truck driver than wake up to her
just fit an iguana in a condom...have pics
fuck you guys, stop putting fake babies in my car the cops came again.
It's almost like sex with her has gotten boring... like it's still good, but the creativity is lacking... it's times like these that i wish she still wanted me to gag her
Just drove through Taco Johns wearing a drug rug and no pants. When I rolled down my window, the girl paused for a minute before saying "um... 4.07"
Omg he's telling my parents stories about him doing jaagerbombs ... Lord help me
I was desperately holding on to my sandwich while we had sex.
There is not greater feeling than lying to your boss and leaving work to shit in the comfort of your own home
Nevermind, there are three drinks waiting at the bar for me. I cannot disappoint this alcohol.
We hooked up with 2 friends last night as always and she stole their fucking cocaine and I just had to drive to their house and make her give it back to him hahshshahahah only me
as your best friend, I hope we never outgrow 'I Just Got Laid' texts
you went over there?
His drunk texts were grammatically perfect. At least our kids will be smart.
Randomize
