opening your purse in class to grab a pen only to find dollar bills and pink fuzzy handcuffs instead...that's a cool feeling
I just spent a chunk of my Christmas money on Plan B. I don't think that's what my relatives had mind when they said "spend it wisely", but hey, it was a good investment considering the bad life choices i made last night.
I decided that $2 and a kiss on the cheek was a great tip for the pizza girl. No one is REALLY sure how much I've have to drink.
The google font looked peculiar last night, but then up close I realized it was just dry vomit.
Somehow I gave him blood blisters on his dick...I don't know if I'm that good or that bad.
Now all we have to do is pretend we haven't seen each other naked. Work tomorrow is going to be FUN.
So. She dumped me today.
Well, maybe you shouldn't have referred to going down on her as "Dumpster-Diving".
He woke me up for a 10am bootycall. he was already drunk when he got here and when we were fucking, bagpipes started playing amazing grace outside of my window!! I love Boston on st. Patties day!!
I need a burrito and a hug.
I feel like our lives always have been and always will be a never ending drunken rampage full of pregnancy scares and lost brain cells
I took so my adderall all I can do is lie on my floor and stare too hard at my hedgehog. He has 42 spines in the dark spot on his shoulder btw.
By NOT going to the gym, I'm helping my future. I don't want stripping, prostitution, or porn to be viable money making options.
All I ever do is give guys anxiety problems and flaccid penises.
You gonna smoke this blunt? Or are you gonna keep doing Kung-fu in my kitchen?
I have peed in a lot of sinks
Randomize
