My grandmother just explained bulimia to me as a diet
It's official. I'm a squirter. Wasn't a one time thing.
At the ER. Dropped bottle lead to cut foot which led to me drunk hitting on doctors. Not going well.
Just finished putting caution tape around the tv. Sober me needs to prepare.
He crawled over to me grabbed my boob asked me if I liked cats and then passed out. If that's really my RA, it's gonna be a long year
Here you are just trying to masturbate and I'm talking to you like your an initiate for some secret society.
You know you're in the hamptons when it's 10pm And you kind of want to vomit white wine on rug that costs more than your apartment.
My gynecologist just said "don't worry, this won't be as hard as…well…" A FUCKING SEX JOKE NO
There's mini weenies and empanadas everywhere...
I'm so jealous of your sex life. You know it's awesome when thinking about the sex you had last night brings you tears of joy.
I'm bringing home frosties. I need to talk about butt stuff.
Like he was trying to be sexy but he had shit taste in porn so i left
High. As. Fuck. I thought the kid next to me didn't have an arm for like 2 hours.
Hahahaha I'm glad you woke me up with this text.
while on the topic of showers...why is there apple juice in our bathtub?
The beauty of his penis is distracting me from the fact that he was born after Princess Diana died
Randomize
