Sometimes I find that I've been touching my boob(s) without even realizing it.
so now that im really awake i see that my underwear are completely ripped down the side, my shorts are on backwards, i have to go get plan b....i call last night an epic fail or success depending on how catholic i am feeling
She's like Mona Lisa when she's intoxicated. No one understands her but they all think she's marvelous
We decided to smoke and then made crosses on our foreheads for ash wednesday
mom would be proud
Found her laying down in a booth in iHop. She's a keeper.
ok so hold on... from what i hear... thank you... i'm sorry... and your welcome.
I'm now in all their contact lists as "Pee-Pee Hands"...
And you just kept trying to fit through the dog door and not drop Jello shots.
I always give him head in random places, it's a guessing game for his cock.
I hope to God it's not the new neighbors having sex, because what I'm hearing sounds like a mildly defective vuvuzela or a cow giving birth.
Trust no bitch in laser tag. Not a single one.
If you can't accept me drawing a Santa hat on your penis then we can't be friends
I hope you get stoned and think that you're a seal in shark infested waters
I don't know why, but whenever I shave my balls I feel more aerodynamic.
I informed him that we had less than 5 minutes left to live, and his first words were "I'm trying to think of a good They Might Be Giants quip"
Randomize
