My cat gives me a boner
There is a distinct lack of front teeth here.
hey..i found a takeout box with a half-eaten hamburger in it, the box said to text this number if found...
DONT TAKE THE KEG OUT OF THE HOT TUB I NEED A PICTURE OF ME DOING A KEG STAND ON IT
Okay. I really need to get out of this guys bed and get home. It's two in the afternoon. He's not even HERE.
It was all cool until he grabbed my vag and started screaming: THIS IS MINE.
What are you doing St Patricks day? I'm banned from all work parties with open bar ever since the cinco de mayo party that I dumped a drink on my co-workers head and played air guitar on my boss' ankle cast.
It's like your nipple is comforting my nipple.
Oh yeah and one of the strippers brought you chips and water when you were passes out next to the toilet. So that was nice
Grindr hookup awareness: always make sure that you agree to blow one person and they aren't bringing a Friend/boyfriend. Shits weird when you're sober.
so i EARNED it!?! i EARNED dying alone with cats!!?
I had to dig my own trench to puke in at the resort. That much fun.
I know how vodka works Grace. I'm drunk, not stupid.
Tell me why i'm looking through my medical records and the last thing it said about my labor was 'vagina was explored'!?
You fucked him, didn’t you?
He showed up at my house with tacos, rum and a negative Covid test. Of course I fucked him. I’m just a simple girl that likes tacos, not Margaret Thatcher!
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