i went to toss her salad and she had a toilet paper clinger on one of the hairs
WORST DINGLEBERRY EVER
He got about halfway through singing "Drift Away" before he passed out and broke my coffee table.
These old men are woofing at me..PLEASE HURRY
6 margaritas later and free shots of tequila, i woke up with a fat lip and they said i blew my nose in a slice of bread
What did you give her? She's trying to tape her wrists so her hands don't fall off.
Advice for you. Never grate cheese on your counter then not cleanup the scraps, then have your bf over and endup having sex on the counter. Theres literally cheese melted in and around my ass.
I just bought $54 in Easter crap to try and blend in the pregnancy test... And FYI, it totally worked.
Just did it in a room with glowing stars to Peter Gabriel's down to earth on shrooms. This is like god
I've fucked 6 of my brothers' friends. I'm completely fine with him fucking the girl we ate lunch with.
Yea not today, I ending up taking a shit behind a tree last night.
You what they say. One dick in the hand is better than two in the bush
Unintionally got shitfaced at study group this week. The waitress brought out a fishbowl of long Island iced tea. Challenge accepted.
I really don't think my body can handle another night of drinking
Lol you talk like you have a choice
I am worried that I am gonna die before the weekend is over
You're like a care bear with a big cock & a sexual prowess that would put the mighty Thor to shame.
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