Obv we're gonna bbm each other in bed
are we going to glenview for practice??
(3 hrs later) aids
where r u? what is story? im way too high right now
Are you drinking alone?
no, i'm watching house
That doesn't count.
wtf, then i'm always alone
I woke up this morning to the buzzer on my oven going off... I cooked fish sticks at 425 degrees for 5 hours last night. my house smells awesome
So.. My internet got red-flagged at work because i did a search on "midigit strippers las vegas" This may be hard to explain...
hey, when you wake up, search yourself on youtube
my sister already found it, were watching it right now. i give it 2 thumbs up.
Sometimes i wish my penis was detachable that way i could take it off sometimes so i wouldnt get into these situations
It doesn't count as drinking alone if you're making rum cake with it.
apparently i'm the only person who has heard from her since saturday. she texted me "burt reynolds" at 2am sunday
If you're knocked up, we're telling everyone it's mine and that the power of our love overcame the inherent reproductive limitations of two vhagines.
"just because you look like a short version of scarlet johanson does not mean I would immediately fuck you" that was the single.most difficult thing to say. but seriously I don't want the roots of the whore tree anywhere near my junk.
What part of drinking with my mom makes you think i'd get naked
All of it
I look like a bag of dicks so if you could ugly yourself up that'd be great.
I just had to kick out lesbian wedding crashers. They literally wanted to punch me. I threatened to call the cops so they went outside and smoked a joint.
Think I have the only job where I can be naked in a room with my manager at work. Apart from hookers
Randomize
