At one point last night while tipping the bartender you looked at him and said "If I need money later, I'm taking this back"
so i was just informed that i sang that song "pop that pussy ayyy pop that pussy" at the halloween party saturday. iembarrassing.
i'm not going because i feel like it's just gunna be a "this is your life" who i banged this years addition
Lesson learned. Whipped cream will eat through a condom.
Did you find any other hidden treasures in my room? Specifically weed? Or Slim Jims?
your house isnt even gonna be on google maps after this party
i actually texted him "nice to see you" but then there was a saved draft "i think about you when i get off." dodged that bullet...
There is an alarming amount of food in my bra.
Sex followed by chicken and waffles... Hands down my favorite morning plans. Count me in.
Nobody will take a lit match to your nipple without warning you this time. Pinky swear.
He just said Bill Nye is just a dude. If I ever considered sleeping with him, I never will now.
In other news, the one guy I DIDN'T have sex with in High School is now famous.
i have too much dick at my disposal? i should make them fight. best dick pic gets laid
Never in my life have I seen a grown ass man get on all fours and attempt to buttfuck himself with the leg of a chair. I love Vegas!
What does it mean when the government shuts down and your boyfriends wife wants a divorce ON YOUR BIRTHDAY?
Randomize
