i just used a urinal to avoid climbing stairs, i need to quit drinking.
Have you ever noticed every guy named Shaant has scene hair and date girls with racoons stripes in theirs
His name should be shouldn't
your ability to fuck hot guys even when you go out in sweats amazes me
Out of ice. Vodka+club soda+cut up lime popscicle=I'm an alcoholic genius.
Preparing for wine wednesday. How would you feel about improvising and starting a white russian wednesday tomorrow instead? you know, shake things up a bit.
...and the foreplay consisted of me threatening to cut off his hand if he didn't remove it from my back.
He got tattooed, peirced, and we're pretty sure he got rufeed by that fat chick. He was like a walking spring break stereotype.
Found your pants. They were stuffed in the tank of the toilet.
I kept petting the scarves and telling customers to "feel that shit"
Stop drinking at work.
Then you started asking people on the drunk bus if they knew the word "gumption". if they didn't you told them they weren't taking advantage of their high education opportunities and you were disappointed in them.
Hah no, But it might feel like water boarding to my soul
I don't think she considers it a date unless she publicly urinates
I hope to God it's not the new neighbors having sex, because what I'm hearing sounds like a mildly defective vuvuzela or a cow giving birth.
I told my parents how nice the girl at the frogurt store was. I neglected to mention that I nearly lost my virginity to her via foursome.
there is partying, then there is whatever we did last night.
Randomize
