Tell LD happy birthday and party like it's $19.99
Recession joke.
I told her it just looked small because my balls were gigantic. She bought it.
My professor just suggested making the state of the union more interesting by turning it into a drinking game. Brilliant!!
Fell off bed. Face first. 10 stitches. huge scar on forehead. totally going to start telling ppl my parents died fighting Voldemort.
i'm sitting in the pool eating chicken pot pie with my little brother's friend. moments like these are the reason i love weed.
Having a pigeon watch you poop is just creepy. Drunk or not.
Just had a stripper snatch my glasses off my face with her ass
As I fucked him you stood outside my door screaming, "I'M NOT JUDGING YOU!" over and over.
I was judging you.
Using the only finger i can move, i calculated body mass, intake and time. It's mathematically impossible for me to still have this hangover at 9pm. I passed out at 8pm last night. Fuck vodka.
And tan into my neighbor in the elevator. She was going to the gym. I was covered in mascara and dog hair eating a hash brown
He blacked out and wouldnt drink anything unless he funneled it, so I made him funnel water
My brother is so high right now he's eating frozen peas and called them "fucking delightful"
I think that maybe Alyssa may of had too much to drink. is it normal for her to straddle random people in quizno's?
I'm not in the business of asking people about their lizard
I meant his actual lizard not his manhood
Your the only girl I know that carries a $1100 purse with tater tots inside
Randomize
