I just saw grafitti that read "Mug The Fart Eater". Really, Memphis? That's all you've got?
that's not even the weird part though. he already knew where the bathroom was, he might have been here before..
Ok now I cleared out half the bar and Em and I have 5 Jameson shots lined up for you. You have 15 min.
Is that a polar bear? You seriously grinded with a polar bear at the club?
Im coming down to miami this weekend
We shall drink from the everclear river
i convinced him to be a french maid for halloween. he has no idea what he's in for. i just ordered the breast forms.
SUNS OUT COOCHY OUT
We just got in a fight with grandma b/c she tried to tell us you didn't go hard.
I woke up this morning with my hand on his dick. That sneaky bastard.
Company meeting and there he was. Felt a little weird like 'last night you were telling me how your dick loves me, and now we're listening to a report on sales figures'.
I seriously just forgot to push down the toaster twice in a row \n\nSo I've been waiting 8 minutes for toaster strudels that I haven't even started... Too high
He said that we couldn't refer to each other as brother and sister anymore cuz we were in no way related and he would love nothing more than to get naked with me.
ill drive you to the airport today if we can have sex first
i left yesterday
ill pick you up from the airport on sunday if we can have sex after
if having to see my ex’s dick once in a while is the price I pay to the universe for making my life go a little smoother, I’ll take it
I just had a man tell me he was going to think about me when he was fucking his wife tonight. This is my proudest moment as a gay.
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