So baked. Thought the twigs on the sidewalk were caterpillars with the ability to harden in self defense. Had to pick one up to be sure.
she spent the whole night flailing her arms because "primates are the only species who can move their arms like that and we shouldn't waste it"
Girls night always turns into let's seperate and get laid night.
lets be honest. she's not NEARLY as much fun to fb creep since she got out of rehab...
He still lectured me about forgetting shit. Than he said he's gonna paint me green so I can stand in a corner and be a plant.
The bartender was shocked when I took the mop bucket from him and told him I'd take care of my friends puke.
He only had napkins in the bathroom... no toilet paper. If I fuck him, am I settling?
I needed a test subject that didn't know any of my friends so that if i screwed up no one would really know or spread rumours about how it was the worst bj ever
I was dressed in monkey onesie serving people vodka jelly with a spoon...
He shoved his balls through an egg carton and showed us a picture. They were surprisingly egg-like.
That guy drinking savagely was actually at his buddy's gay bachelor party in the male stripper section. He came over to the chicks side so we drank with him.
He had some sort of penis-related post traumatic stress disorder, but body shots seemed to wake him up
I woke up to him peeing by our bedroom door. I yelled at him to go to the bathroom and he just kept peeing while he walked there. This is a new low.
He stopped in the middle of us banging in order to check in for his Southwest flight.
Oh, in response to your "does dating get better" question...I feel like penises are getting smaller nowadays. Its been several years since I saw a good 8+ incher.
Omg I just woke up. In the hallway outside my room. I know you had something to do with this
Randomize
