So, we're in the car ready to fuck and she asks about my ex. I wave at my lap and say, "bye". She asks what I'm doing. I say, "waving goodbye to my erection"
I hate this i feel like im wasting my youth here. I should be off hooking up with boys around the world and having awkward next morning convos in different languages!!
I swear it's like I have a jerk off quota I have to meet each week. If I miss three days I have a wet dream and it's like a wasted jizz, and it gets everywhereeeeeee.
Sometimes when I see a shoe on the side of the road, I get a little depressed that I've never partied that hard.
U owe me five dollars for that paper towel you bet i wouldnt eat last night
He once got bit in the face by a dog and still got laid the same night. He owns Memorial Day Weekend
Honestly, It follows the same rules as Cock Roulette.
Hey, next time you have sex, flick his balls, and tell him "thats for getting spit in jennifer's eye and laughing about it."
Fuck you, jack daniels. I feel like satan laid an egg in my brain.
This bitch flirting at the bar needs to close her legs and open up a book. I can literally feel my IQ dropping every time she bends down to show her tits.
Jealous?
Very.
You got in the cab and told the cab driver "we only have seven bucks so you better drive fucking fast".
Can you tell dad to stop liking and sharing porn on FB again?
So was this before or after he cried about trump?
After
I just had to explain to my grandma what a reach-around is. Too far..
someone found a bottle of whiskey in the bushes this morning when they were cleaning before an admissions event. i'm 95% sure it's mine..
Randomize