the only thing i knew about you is that u dated jordan and were potentially interested in a threesome
i like that octo mom she is my favorite xmen
please say your awake. the girl i brought home last night...any idea on a name? she isnt up yet...
I found my crush's facebook page. And his wife's. Apparently they are still in love. Of all the people to have happy marriages! Fuck, I'm depressed.
Its 11am everyones wasted wearing sombreros and eating fresh produce..cesar chavez would be very proud
in the event i get tipsy, my nipples are your responsibility
Horrible. I told her my girlfriend is in the hospital and she tried to give me a lapdance.
Nothing quite like pre-gaming the Kentucky Derby with adderall and adderall. I'm fairly confident I could outrun all of these fucking horses in a foot race right now.
I'm so high I would give anything in the world to be inside my lava lamp right now
Watching videos from last night and u go "I should be the president, I can get whatever I want w my tits"
New rule: I am no longer allowed to speak
WHY IS IT FROWNED UPON THE DRESS UP IN CAT COSTUMES AND SIT OUTSIDE OF BARS WITH A BOX OF WINE I THOUGHT THIS WAS AMERICA
I was standing in my mom's kitchen in only my neon green thong, eating pizza over the garbage can, and sobbing while he was yelling at me.
I'm currently trying to figure out a way to fill the bathtub up with mashed potatoes so when he comes over he'll know what's about to hit him..
I'm asking you this because you're my dad....is coke a drug I should try?
Always great to be boarding a plane when you realize that what you thought was gas is actually very untrustworthy
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