Erica just called me. She woke up in a storage closet in Mike's building with one shoe and no bag. Can you check your photos from last night to see if she had it at the bar?
he refused to get me toilet paper before we started drinking so I keep wiping with his towel.
Oh shit. Easter I forgot. Maybe we should leave the illegal stuff for when Jesus is less present.
We shouldn"t be alone together
you didn"t say that yesterday
you weren't married yesterday
I was born in the year of the cock... How fitting.
ENDLESS SCROLLING ON TUMBLR WAS MADE FOR HIGH PEOPLE!
how do you feel about lunch break shots ?
Thanks for bailing me out last night guys. it's bullshit that everbeering people at bars is illegal. bitches have no sense of adventure anymore
do you know how hard it is to bring up the "what do I do if you conk out while we're fucking" conversation while maintaining the dignity of.the narcaleptic girl you just met?
And I told him that even though were not together, if he has sex with anyone I would have sex with someone else, video tape it and send it to him.
I mean, two foreign guys have drunkenly confessed their love for her, so she's clearly doing something right.
If I don't go to Australia I'm using that towards a new car. If I do I'll use it to buy a koala.
We need to get stoned and watch Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles 2. This has become a priority. Schedule accordingly.
How long have I been using my debit card as a coaster?
after stripping the bed and soaking it with the "pet spot remover" I have, I decided in the best interest of my mattress and our drunk friends bladders, i should invest in rubber sheets.
Randomize
