At my boss' house at a bbq. Had a few beers. Taking a poop - there's no TP...this is my nightmare.
What ever happened to making out with a few boob grabs here and there?
My "High Times" magazine came in today, as well as my girlfriend's new sex toys. We're calling in sick today.
the only thing i can think of after seeing avatar is "when are they gonna make avatar porn?"
he thought he was parachuting out of a plane... talk about a bad trip.
the more i look through evidence of last night, the less i seem to remember.
Um, so I couldn't say it in person, but if you find my underwear in your office. Sorry. I couldn't find them, so yea.
This is love.
Which part? The alcoholic cupcakes or the lesbian st paddys day party?
Oh my god. I just realized something amazing. If I get pregnant with a boy, that technically means I have a penis right??????
Everybody shut up a minute, we need to discuss how much nicer the world would be if pants weren't a thing.
Are you really surprised she can't remember? That's like 50 people. I couldn't rattle off all 50 state capitols off the top of my head, you're bound to forget a few here and there
That awkward moment when your boyfriend tries to have sex with his go pro on #hdporn
someone stole all your weed so you told us you were planning each of our deaths
You know if we weren't hooking up I think we'd actually be friends
I COULD CUT A FUCKING DIAMOND WITH MY RIGHT NIPPLE RIGHT NOW HOLY FUCK
Randomize
