I pooped in a mop bucket.
WTF???
Their employee restroom was locked what kind of customer service is that
She's the only one so far who hasn't laughed at me naked.... I'm gonna marry her.
You kept making up "snapple facts" every time you opened a beer.
My dad is drinking wine out of a measuring cup. This explains so much.
He said he wouldn't use a condom because he didn't want to kill anymore trees.
I told him I was engaged, had 911 on speed dial and made him wear his seatbelt, then dropped his drunk ass off at his motel...probably not the night he was expecting.
You were definitely doing something right. You could only see the colored parts of his eyes a couple of times. I was pretty sure he was dead at some point.
She made a roadhead CD. Can I marry her?
She's trying to feed the TV fried rice and screaming "FRIED RICE AND TEARS". Please bring me more booze.
I'm hungover and surrounded by children and Republicans. What did I do to deserve this?
you should have walked with me to my car. you just missed a girl rip off her bra and throw it into a dumpster and scream mardi gras
OH AND DAN PET MY CAT WHILE I WAS GIVING HIM HEAD
I would have publicly shamed him but I'm pretty sure his tramp stamp did that on its own...
I've had to take two showers today and it's not even 1 o'clock. Why won't this weekend wash off?
I wasn't that gone.
Dude, you cried and said how sorry you were when we asked why you had the dip.
Randomize