listen if there's one thing I'm asking of you tonight is that you buy me a cow for my farmville.
Tell me you're stoned. It's 2:40am.
He made a note in his iPhone tonight so that he would remember that I rejected him.
i want you to know that after i type the word "your" , vagina is next on my auto correct text
love being home for thanksgiving just had grandma pick me up from the frat by her house
At Grandmas for dinner. She is drinking a smirnoff ice. As soon as I saw it I had to stop myself from yelling chug.
I want something that's relevant to him banging her right after I did. Like "runner-up"
He lasted about 30 seconds then said you can't win them all. But then he made me pancakes so it's okay. We shall call him mancakes.
And then he serenaded me with "Pimps don't cry" from 'The Other Guys'. If that's not love I'm not sure what is
Wait, just ask him if can you can join in. You haven't lived until you've taken part in a threesome with your father...or so I've heard
Drinking a bawls. If I'm dead when you get home, yes, they are poisoned.
I was just tryna bring you beer girl. I should've known you'd be shirtless though
Well let me fuck you while I make potatoes. It's every girls dream
Don't worry about it too much, but I just committed us to possibly raising a kid
Me and my boss just exchanged pictures of our bongs and such...I don't know I feel about this
Yoooooo, the fat magician married the chick I dumped a beer on after I got pissed he was flirting with her in front of me
Randomize
