Aunt Jean just announced that her pubic hair is getting thicker as her head hair gets thinner. As a family we are just not a people of mystery.
I was pretty stoned. I thought I needed a seatbelt at the restaurant.
there were more penises there than on chat roulette
your brother is wearing shin guards in the swimming pool. i have a feeling that this happens often
getting kicked in the face by someone doing a keg stand. just my luck
He just compared himself to a majestic butterfly in regards to the lack of girlfriends. i don't even know what to say.
...he tried to burn down someone's house once. ABORT ABORT ABORT
How do people deal with hangovers? I literally want to eat my own face.
Dude, the chicks a procotolgy intern. Don't cheat on her. She knows where it hurts the most.
I now have a full length bright red cape in my possession. Best sex trophy ever.
Just remember that I named his dick Robo-cock before he got into the sheriff's department.
Did we smoke in a portapotty last night? And if so, do you think the brown stuff covering my body is actually dirt?
So "I hate myself Mondays" has extended to Tuesday this week. I just had peanut butter and a glass of wine for lunch.
Yeah that stuff was rough. We insisted on wearing our bikinis all down college ave, and at several parties that were not beach themed
the fact that I can still put my shoes on is a testament to the fact that I can outdrink these bros
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