if i remember New Year's Eve then there is something seriously wrong.
I dont think that drinking by ourselves on a saturday night counts as being "fun alcoholics"
You know you're a nerd when you lose track of how many times you've gotten turned on watching Glee.
He was really drunk and I dared him to jump the swimming pool on his bike. Sadly he couldn't. Hey did you know a testicle can burst?
he convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. he slurred every word. i think i found my prince charming.
I'll just get wasted and start throwing myself at men. Someone's bound to take the bait
malibu coconut giveth, and malibu coconut taketh away
That doesn't mean I'm a slut. Unless McFlurries are involved.
I will rub McFlurries all over you.
Don't know why you're always hating on relationships. I've had chocolate pancakes accompanied by a blowjob and a blunt and it's not even 9 am. Time for mid morning shower sex. Enjoy your morning bong bowl alone asshole
I know you're asleep, but I just had a motherfucking epiphany.
There is absolutely a 0% chance my hips will make it out of this twerking business fully functional
He's driving 2 hours to visit me and he's bringing weed. I love him so much.
Good!!! I'm so proud of you for not snorting alcohol. Big girl steps.
as a self proclaimed hoe im ok with a lotta things but that is not fucking one of them
Heard about your divorce. Let me know if I can do anything for you or your penis ;-)
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