I just saw a pregnant woman with a cigarette and a beer walking into the Larry the Cable Guy show. I'm glad my taxes are paying her medical expenses.
I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! Live in the flesh!
You sent me a text calling me "cunt" while i was in the middle of dumping my bf.
So we're fucking tonight?
You named all of the cocktail shrimps and then tackled a guy for "eating Henry"
i woke up with a shattered plate next to my head.
My last google search was "mavis beacon techs tping" Thank god google auto corrects bc otherwise i wouldn't know that i drunk-type 13 words a minute.
We just for robbed for the second time. I believe the only thing I have left to my name is my $75 dildo
COME GET ME FR THE HOSPIGAL'!!!!!
Her dad high fived me on the way out the door. Not the reaction i expected after she came so loud.
Please assure him that the flying penis statue is for display purposes only.
I'll get you through man, I'll be your fairy godmother with better prescription drugs
The extent of "getting it in" was this creepy guy sticking his finger in my bellybutton
Just got cockblocked by my GF's wedding shower... That's a first. And I have to buy a gift.
Woke up in your shoes. Please tell me you woke up in mine
who gets drunk at chipotle by noon and then gets kicked out? this chick.
Randomize
