i wiped a booger on my final. end of semester present.
He also has a monumental penis. It's unbelieveable. I'm sorry but he's perfect.
i understand why you think this is a bad idea but its happening so buckle up an get your whiskey
We just found a knife wedged in between the cushions on the couch you guys fucked on...why is this?
Just invented taco cereal.
Ice skating? Did you see me last night? I don't even know where my socks are
I have to pee in a cup in the morning and they are going to say....you just peed a miller light. I'm going to hang my head in shame and say yes...yes I did.
She's got Mike in the bathroom. He's covered in meat.
The language barrier was annoying .... So we just had sex. That is how you deal with not being able to chat isn't it???
Which sister was it? The one I accidentally hit when my shoe flew off or the one I ate candy off of when we were high?
I'm way too sober and people are way too heterosexual
i found you laying on the floor staring at the ceiling and you kept muttering "why" in various inflections.
I think I was high. I asked a dude at chillis if they had a cereal buffet
She did NOT find it funny to come upstairs to find me with the word "MISERY" written on my forehead in magic marker and the label to the vodka bottle replaced with a scrap of paper taped around that says "COMPANY"
I was trying not to blow up your phone, but I'm so horny I think I might die
Randomize
