he asked me what things i liked that he did in bed, and i told him all the things i hated so he would use it on that new bitch and she wouldnt hook up with him anymore.
you for real need to get over him dude
on the list of things id be doing when i was almost 30, waiting for a girl to finish shitting the bed wasn't on there.
PS: the photo I uploaded for this internship site is the same one i used for my fake ID. I like to keep it classy.
while fucking on the counter the whip cream was conveniently right next to us. i love thanksgiving
I woke up under a table, with a huge Mexican sombrero, a box of 120 doughnuts and a bloody nose. It all screams success.
He stripped down to boxers and then started flinging jello shots with a spoon into people's mouths like a catapult.
well she hit her head and had a concussion. i had to make out with her to keep her awake.
I was in the library and saw 2 dudes hackysacking in a study room with 3 girls working. I asked if I could join; as soon as I closed the door the chicks offered me tequila shots. study session w/everyone cancelled, I'm busy.
I got tossed from adult league soccer for telling a 55 year old I'd break his hip. I'm a productive member of society
It's gay pride, I'm in my EMT uniform getting more girls than your straight ass ever will..
You've never sent a girl a dick pic?
Call me old fashioned
He kept singing Happy Birthday to himself, yelling at the bouncers for not letting him in, and telling them his "father will hear of this." He was like a drunken Scottish Draco Malfoy.
There's a potato with a bite taken out of it in the kitchen
I'm dangerously close to tossing this whole "morals" bullshit and swan-diving into the fuckboy lifestyle.
Gonna be late for work. Sex comes first. Priorities.
Randomize
