I have a masturbator in my 5th grade class. the teacher told me ever since they caught him humping the desk in 2nd grade, they haven't been able to control him. he's even on medication but he will just do it in class
Finally jerked of with a banana peel.
I didn't think moms care packages could get better than greygoose, weed & double stuffed oreos, but she just snet me a chocolate bar full of mushrooms.
promise me that when we are 32, we will look nothing like Kim Zolciak. Promise me right this instant.
Just say you're the husband at the front desk to get in. She's in room 15 at the ER.
what? who is this?
You're about to fuck a guy with a sweatshirt tied around his waist like a mensurating 13 year old. Get your priorities straight, you're graduating tomorrow.
Listen. You seriously only live once... there aren't that many cinco de mayos left until someone knocks u up and u have to have a shotgun wedding. Man up.
The second time he came it projectile shot in my ear
We were in a spooning position and it shot all the way up. He was like sorry. Physics.
And then god smiled down upon me and he said let there be hangover food and let it be Wendy's
The first guy I ever sexted is having a baby.. Is this what adulthood feels like?
i just passed i guy i once let listen to me masterbate on the phone...nyc is not big enough
I have already been up, showered, had a cup of coffee brought to me, added a little rum to cure the hangover, had sex and kicked him out and it's only 1pm. Successful day so far.
Do you think it's illegal to drive without your pants on?
I did a line off of, and then danced on top of a table older than this country.
Harvard is great.
i found you passed out on the floor with a half-eaten pie. i figured youd be the last person to care if i went and banged your sister
Randomize
