so, does the "dick the size of your forearm" thing run in the family then?
I'm drinking too much free beer
Thats like saying one owns too many kittens. It's not possible.
He ran over from the bar to give me more singles because the stripper was doing gymnastics on me. He is a really great friend, just probably not the best boyfriend.
What exactly do I say to a random stoner hookup to thank him for ending my dry spell? Is it awkward to just say "Thanks for that. It was well needed."
do you think me going to the gyno dressed as a cat is inappropriate?
A person can only vomit Fireball so much before they quit it forever
Hot date tonight for the first time in months and I just cut my dick shaving. PRAY FOR ME.
Naked. Naked is my favorite color.
National tequila day this year falls on a Monday. I've never been more disappointed in my life.
I just sent him a message bearing my soul about how much he means to me as a friend and his first response is "are you drunk?"
Shit like this is why I'm a bitch to everyone.
Guy just walked in with a 40 and a Honda steering wheel. Where the fuck am I?
I do have a history of lying to Customs. I once convinced them I was an astronaut.
He stopped in the middle of us fucking so he could turn on lithuanian techno music. And the sad thing is that it was the best sex of my life.
how do you say “i know we haven’t hung out in a month, but i gave myself an amazing orgasm to your picture the other day” without coming on too strong
They don't really make a "hey I'm fucking your ex wife" card do they ?
Randomize
