It must be a full moon weekend. All of my weird booty calls are coming out of the woodwork. I spent 40 minutes on the phone last night telling one why he is so creepy.
Grandma just handed out bail money... it's officially christmas
I am literally missing a chunk of eyelashes. That's how fun it was.
Just hooked up with a girl I met in line at Taco Bell. I told you leave me to do my own thing and I'll get it in
Don't ask me how or why, but I'm drunk with German diplomats. Come over. Now
You're married and I'm going to make out with a stranger tonight. Isn't that weird? It's like a gap in the time space continium.
What is soo wrong about a house of half-naked people hugging each other and laughing?
The pinata full of drugs?
So I just sent my ex a video snap chat of me getting head from some Venezuelan hottie with the caption I still love you. Think she'll take me back?
If you ever insult pizza rolls again, I will dragon kick you in the throat
somehow attending a funeral viewing turned into me snorting cocaine in the bathroom and drawing ninja turtles for children
Saw 2 lesbians fist fighting outside the bar tonight. I was startled yet slightly turned on
Dude the little bong I just got fits nicely in the cup holder in my car. The gods approve of my habits.
did you just describe your masturbation session as "rad af??"
A party without a piñata is not a party I want to attend.
"Fwd: Nice to meet you last night thanks for the tit flash" no recollec. i am officially banned from wearing tube tops to the bar.
Randomize
