mrs. f**** your sons in jail, if you can help with bail please respond, if not please dont tell him i told you.
don't bother texting me at 10. my pants WILL be off and I'm not putting them back on to come see you.
just found the deal breaker
hairy back?
he can't live within 1000 ft of a school
Well today was Thanksgiving Anti-Miracle Daydrinkathon so I had to be drunk by 2pm
How many folks do you know who bring coke to a dinner party. Seriously.
whatever. i don't care. i just want to be drunk wrapped in an american flag.
I do believe at one point I was dispensing medical advice while wearing your sombrero and a hulk hand
Blacked out last night, but left myself a note that said "oops on oops on oops" that can never be a positive
I can't wait till we are old and wrinkly and I can turn to you and ask, "Remember when you Rick Jamesed the shit out of that couch??"
If you're staying here tonight, you need to promise me you won't make another bonfire in the lounge room. My girl is still pissed about that.
We have a nice shopping list..vibrators and roller blades
Priorities
debating what would be more effort, turning on to my other side or trying to get myself off with my left hand. that kind of lazy day.
i just wanna know who wrote "dibbz" on my ass?
Man the amount of drugs being done at a wedding with a bunch of surgeons was disturbing
Just got my second shot
Baller. We’re going to be knee deep in strippers and coke in 10 days
Randomize
