yeah for some reason your penis didn't fit in my mouth the other day
unrelatedly i think im gonna download boogie nights just to see mark wahlberg's penis
The question of "Will I eat a piece of curried chicken off the floor?" has been answered tonight.
we just plugged the camera up to the big screen. would you like to come see what you did last night, in high definition?
you threw up into the pocket of your shirt. which was pretty damn polite
Yes but that point is quickly negated bc u should never have to search more than one room to find your underwear.
Liquid roulette time! Black Mystery Cups are filled with either ipecac, whiskey, or NyQuil. Let's have fun
How high were you when you left that message, cause you made honest-to-God, credible seal noises.
She says the reason I don't talk to her is because I'm "emotionally lazy" what ever that means
I just blacked back in and I'm at a kids birthday party in a suit and people are calling me uncle Carl. Never having your homemade liquor again.
I feel like ditching all logic and responsibility and get shit-faced before the week's over. Thoughts?
Found out the cop gives spectacular head. Don't ask. We're going out to dinner Saturday.
GOD I WOULD STAB DANNY IN THE EYE WITH HIS OWN PENIS
.........That big, huh?
No. I would cut it off
Last night’s booty call turned into a cuddlefest. Get your game face on, we’re hunting dick tonight
BRB. These cougars are squabbling over my junk and one of them is offering to pay my tuition
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