my door was closed and her door was closed but even over the r.kelly playing at full blast i was able to hear her say "THAT'S NOT THE RIGHT HOLE!". Def rethinking my roommate situation.
Apparently he doesn't remember leaving the bar
If I spent $100 at the bar and didn't get laid I wouldn't want to remember anything either
She is feeding us popcorn out of her bra
I can neither confirm or deny any bear related allegations right at this time.
Hey. Can you be so hung over that you get a rash?
I let a guy with dreads drive my car, then demanded he take me back cause I don't let strangers drive my car, while repeatedly apologizing for being a cock block.
Kristy just reminded me that I have a bottle of champagne to lick off your ass hole...... This is by way of saying that we have plans on Friday.
It was literally 8 o'clock in the morning. His horniness knows no bounds.
My brother and I have had one conversation in the past like 3 weeks and it was about what it would be like as a sentient butt plug
We can't shop at Hobby Lobby anymore. They don't like Plan B which basically runs through our veins.
Like its not even midnight and I've already had enough of her for all of 2015
driving home hungover today was like a life test..it was like the goblet of fire
just because i'm not a monk anymore doesn't mean I need to tell you about my new sex life.
which is fantastic by the way.
Just remembered someone sprayed perfume in my mouth last night after convincing me it was vodka and that i tried to herd ducks around campus and bring one home.
Had a dick customer and the words "eat my ass" slipped out. He proceeded to lick his lips and say present it. I think it's time I quit.
Randomize