Yea well when i pee it makes steam.
worse things have happened to me. but if it will make you feel better you can pay for my therapist sessions next week.
Never let Scott cook bacon and eggs at 2am while drunk. You should have seen the flames.
winter break is going to suck... i have to put away my college personality and transform into who my parents think i am.
She threw up a whole curly fry. A. WHOLE. CURLY. FRY.
Its piss that you smell... I borrowed that shirt last week. Sooo, wanna grab some laundry soap on your way home? And good luck on your date.
Watching that soccer game was like getting kicked in the crotch for an hour and half and then coming right at the end.
he's drinking beer at home in his underwear tonight and if you want to come over the dresscode is underwear only. And you have to bring beer.
I totally just found ecstasy floating around in the bottom of my purse, it's almost like good karma from the time I lost that blow...but not quite
FRIENDSHIP PRAYER: May the crabs of 1,000 whores infest the crotch of the person who fucks up your day
seis de mayo is my least favoite holiday because i usually spend it in bed sobbing over my poor life decisions from the night before.
I need a "closed for the season, thanks for a great summer" sign for my vagina
So you're on like a list there now..."Do not under any circumstances give this person a knife. Serve them in plastic cups ONLY"
I think my pickup truck has been used for the sex... This doesn't sit right with me.
Puked in the trash can. Took a bite of someone's breadstick and kept dancing and drinking
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