woke up in a freezing tub of water at 6 am again. probably should stop the drunk baths
I will never get the visual of you crying while chewing christmas lights out of my head
She fell asleep on the sidewalk and people starting using her as a hurdle
I'm having a flashback of telling a guy that he was beautiful and graceful like a unicorn while playing shuffleboard.
My mom now keeps ice cubes on hand for my bong water. We may be able to work this relationship out.
She's in the hospital because she tried to steal a toilet seat from an outhouse and fell off the bank. We're gonna hang the toilet seat by the pool.
Im rolling face in a pizzeria. I want to be with people who love me.
Well despite the fact that I'm still not entirely sure this isn't an elaborate/cunning plan to kill me, I'm in.
I just almost said to a customer "P as in Pussy"
Hey, I'm off work. Wanna take a metric fuckton of adderall, possibly get daydrunk, and get my hair cut?
I saw a spider on my bed and my first reaction was to throw my weed bag to safety
In my dream I had to eat so many peanut butter and Nutella sandwiches
the moment when you open a dick pic with your mom in the car... On your moms phone... Of your dad... Scarred for life
Meeting him up for him to pay half of the Plan B was awkward but worth it cause I'm broke as fuck
THERE IS A MAN IN THE BATHROOM IN COLONIAL GARB GET HERE
Randomize
