I can't find my pants or my car
I didn't even hookup I think I took them off at taco bell...
ha omg I always lose my dignity at taco bell as well... so no big deal.
I'm pretty sure I left my reasoning skills at home last night, and just brought anger and rage with me.
He fucking owes me dinner after I gave him head under the deck behind the bar.
Im really high right now and the vending machine is broken and giving out free candy. Please kill me, my life will never get better than this
I'm talking like I woke up and her bra was spinning around caught on my ceiling fan
You mean 'full wolf form' wasn't a drunk text?
he opened the microwave and beer cans poured out
She said she couldn't find my penis because my arm was in the way. That was my penis
Every man deserves at least one moment like that
The one wearing a viking helmet and holding a bottle of Smirnoff. She's laying on the floor of the tube singing "cant find my way home" . You can't miss her..
I feel like our low point of the night was when we had to start chasing with ice cubes and wheat thins.
Dave got tied up again. I'm done breaking into girls houses to cut him loose. At least before noon.
Then my perve supervisor asked about your vagina. And I was like nunya, but its glorious
Are you jealous of my sweatsuit? It's how I get men on Tinder.
I have "if found please return to" written in sharpie on my arm, my uterus is rejecting everything, and I have hickies. I must actually be an 18 year old piece of shit girl instead of a responsible 23 year old
Why are we so out going and care free I can't wait for maturity to kick in so we stop having 700 dollar bar tabs
Randomize
