I'm so drunk I cant read cursive anymore.
I saw a sign that said worlds largest frying pan next exit. Way to do your fucking part Iowa.
probably shouldnt have written that paper while wasted, its starts with once upon a time
i tried to stop you but you kept shouting "two birds with one stone!"
i love how he claims to not know english but when i ask him to come over and fuck me he's all of a sudden fluent
Day 3. Will have to postpone job hunting by a month. May have blown out my knee. Was sunburned on Friday. Now look painted red. Still alive. All worth it.
the night got glorious when you tried to do an upside down keg stand with a near empty key and dropped it on your face
If I had really thought it through, I would have bought some Depends, popped one on and made this night my bitch.
I rocked my own world, he was just a prop.
He got too drunk... he threw up ON the closed toilet.
It's a Jersey thing
You gave him that scrunchie you made and called it your "sex offering".
He told me he loved me and then peed his own bed. So at least it was a memorable one night stand.
When you wake up with a bow tie and mustache drawn on your penis, you know you had a good night.
The sex definitely would have been a perk. But not sitting in a ditch was what I was going for...
The man built me a fort. Of course he got laid.
I really prefer to do my walks of shame in the summer
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