What happened to our ballroom dancing plans
I need to find out who his wife is so I can fuck her before he gets to mine.
all i remember thinking as i was puking my intestines out is : wow.. this toilet does look like it's from the future.
You were yelling at the cops across the street saying they were at the wrong party
If you're not washing nut sweat off of your forehead this morning I'm disappointed in you
i told myself when i was 16 i would never fuck an Alan. now i've fucked 3 and i'm punching my 16-year-old self in the face
it's my favorite when the couple downstairs are having sex so loud that i feel like I'm part of a threesome
second-hand sex is fun, isn't it?
Let's get weird.
It's 10 am...
I'm assuming that means you're not busy...
I'm calling in my "fuck at anytime anywhere" card. Meet me at my place in 20 min, wear your Waldo costume.
She flashed them and they let her pay with Monopoly money. I'm married, so it is your obligation as my best man to repeatedly fuck her for me
Well, it's a fine line between people-watching and boob-staring. It's a gray area. But we're in Paris. Let's leave it at that.
Apparently she broke up w/ her bf like 3 weeks ago. She actually called me to be her bday hookup cause she's single now. Patience- the virtue that occasionally pays off.
Is it bad that I'm using the photo I took for my fake ID as my linkedin profile pic?
All i remember is looking at the bottle vodka that I was drinking and wondering how it was suddenly empty.
That may have had to do with you chugging it
So...a chick sucked my crank...now her dog is licking my feet. I feel like a pharoh on vacation.
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