Holy wow, I found all the old poems u wrote me back when we were in looooooooove...just sort of wild to look back on, thought u'd like that
Fuck the gym. I just shaved m'cooch and my pants now fit looser.... Dont judge me.
just had to shower sitting down. i hope this isn't an indicator of how the rest of my week is going to go.
a cabby told me that vodka is the coors light of liquor, and then gave me his number
when it says do not use on the face or genital areas, it MEANS do not use on the face or genital areas.
She keeps sending, "show me your elephant trunk."
Can we promise no matter what that we have sex the night the Mayan calendar runs out?
Delivery driver perk #327: I just paid for part of the security deposit on my new place in pizza. This oughta be a fun renting experience.
Then again I went over his house after not hanging out since kindergarten and tried to fuck him so maybe I'm partially to blame here
Welp, I'm allergic to codeine. Found that one out the hard way.
I've never been so drunk at home. I just sat on the toilet playing with toilet paper for ten minutes, I almost made a paper crane.
It was a fun night. I made out with the door guy at the gay bar but he didn't speak english
There was no door guy at the bar
A stripper choked me last night. Then I choked her. Now we're going on a date this Saturday.
I'm really excited to meet your new dude! But we really need to find out if he's your cousin first.
You left me a note that said "The Earth is blowing up. Bring the Rosé." WTF.
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