Dude, I woke up at my ex's house. I am spooning her half naked roommate. There is a pizza on my shoulder. I need you to come pick me up.
I woke up to him trying to put his dick in my mouth. When I asked him what he was doing he said he was trying to make me stop snoring...
so i asked him why he doesn't wanna see me anymore and he said he was questioning his sexuality. cool.
Everyone just saw your hickey on TV and on the jumbotron at the hockey game.
Thanks dad.
he was CRYING into my vagina
yeah except there is a correlation between drinking moonshine and going blind, which kind of concerns me
there is no excuse for him not showing up to my st. patrick's day party. i touch his dick. i get him on the high holidays.
he just asked if we wanted to go to an arts and crats club with him tomorrow. every day it becomes harder for me to defend his sexuality
HOLY SHIT HE'S TRYING TO EAT HIS FOOT. THIS IS THE BEST DAY OF MY LIFE.
I'm just high and in my robe and I would suck a dick for some pizza rolls. I can't talk about your problems right now
he suggested we do it doggy style cuz it was his dead dogs birthday...i had to do it
yea plus he's gonna be wearing his gumby costume so that'll take a lot of pressure off too
So apparently I twerked on my coworkers last night. One month at the new job n I guess this is how I'm getting to know people
Do you remember vividly describing the shape and girth of my cock to that girl last night?
Almost gave the delivery guy a 34 dollar tip. That high
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