I didn't join FB to see my only child straddle that boy in all her pictures.
Too late. I'm going over there. I'm a bad example for all women: Do as I say, not who I do.
I look like a poor person in the cast of Gay Oliver.
all i wanna do is slam about 38 beers eat a whole pizza and wake up naked in the taco bell parking lot
My girlfriend and my fuck buddy both started their periods this weekend. The good news is, neither of them are pregnant. The bad news is, I'll have to find someone else to fuck til next weekend. No wait.....that's good news too.
just 'accidentally' changed my relationship status to 'in an open relationship' just to see what offers I might get if I were to dump him. it's not looking good
sooo....i just remembered that someone fed me a pretzel out of their purse at the bar last night.
He just referred to his foreskin as a snuggie. Help.
turns out that the cat the james was trying to catch was a raccoon. call me when you get this, i need an ER buddy
He ripped off my pantyhose and all I could think was, "oh no those were clinic-appropriate!" That's what I get for ditching a continuing education meeting to go hook up with my scuba instructor.
Listen I'm a sentimental character under all this alcohol and ratchetry
i knew it was love when she pulled a beer out from between her boobs and offered it to me
That moment when a stripper is the one that makes the two of you have to define the status of your relationship...
Like Is it appropriate to tell your boss you banged a guy in the back of a truck at a wedding? Probably not.
He lives in a tent in my ex'd backyard. Why the fuck would you want any of that dirty dick?
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