I feel fat after drinking my meal replacement shake.
I added chocolate sauce, a bsg of m&ms and a crushed up brownie to make it taste better.
just drunkenly made mashed potatoes at midnight. what have you done for your calorie intake lately?
GOING OUT OF BUSINESS: we're having a foreclosure party tonight...We'll also be raffling off a washer/dryer, microwave and a white tiger head.
dude, you cant keep using "she roofied me" as an excuse to bang all these fat chicks
thanks for celebrating my birthday so severely 2 years ago. i just found your hospital discharge papers in my closet.
anything for my little brother.
It's a system.. i get to hook up with them and you get to play words with friends with them afterwards.
Every time I there's a break up, I'm left with an animal. That's it. No more mutual pets.
Look man, sometimes you just gotta say "Sure! Why not? I can always take a shower afterwards"
He just walked up to me in the kitchen, pulled out his penis and stuck it in my sweatpants pocket.
It was probably cold. Sweatpants pockets are notoriously warm.
No no no he wouldn't talk to me before I showed his best friend how good I am at twerking
I watched Morgan Freeman explain the existence of nothing, now I'm afraid of sub - atomic particles. these egg rolls are outstanding
He showed up riding a bike blasting the ghostbusters theme song. His name was Lasercat. Im in love.
I just want to smoke this blunt and eat pizza rolls while watching The Price Is Right with you.
unless you want this visit to have a different tone... more romantic, less molly in a hotel room
He accepted my bet of 5 bucks to bike home completely naked. Never got asked about the 5 bucks, guess he enjoyed it too much
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