i think the semi hot bartender might actually be a man in drag..on a similar note, what are you drinking?
when I woke up the last searched thing on my phone was "how to make a fireproof dress" I need to stop drinking.
May or may not have just drunkenly opened my christmas presents. Greatly disappointed. Might break up sooner.
I like to melt taper candles in my wine bottles the next day, it makes my drinking trophies more classy, and makes me look like less of an alcoholic.
Coming home soaking wet at three am and trying to convince the front desk man that we came from the library might have worked if I wasn't also roaring at everything.
I'm on my way, but at some point we're going to have to settle who gave who crabs the last time
I love our strategizing... I wish we used the same passion for planning our lives and future that we use for planning our drunken escapades... We would both be doctors by now, I swear
I just want to have weird supply closet sex with him... and then I'll be all set. Fired, but all set.
New definition for "rock bottom": Waking up in a puddle of your own puke, missing your fake tooth. Then having to dig through said puddle of puke for aforementioned fake tooth. Think it's time I quit partying so hard.
Is this your way of breaking up with me as my wingman?
Blonde girl lying face-down, passed out next to my bed, walls are covered in guacamole. College is looking excellent.
It's fucking New Year's. I can be soberish in 2013 after tonight. It's like the 30 years of grey area between Jesus' birth and death.
I think Facebook knows you fucked me. All of a sudden I get everything you do in my news feed.
He took a picture of me to show his boss why he was late...Is that a compliment or not?
Sorry. We had to leave because I knocked a guy out for saying "yolo".
I'm trying to cause a divorce, your hooking up with a felon, I think we need Jesus.
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