She has some nice fakeys. She is also an exotic entrepreneur.
she just built a cabin out of hotdogs and cooked it in the microwave.
now she is shaking the plate and mumbling "this is what california must feel like"
eggs and jello shots do not qualify as 'brunch'
im shotgunning beers in the kitchen. alone. the cat is judging me.
I can't remember where my feet are. All I can see are colors, and all I can feel is terror. The lollipop was a bad idea.
Dude found out there's an open bar at the celebration of life thing for my grandma which is at noon. Now I know why I can drink so much
Lol. Awesome. Seriously though, I need you focused next year. We're gone have a lot of drinking and stupid nonsense to do, and I don't want dumb shit like responsibility to get in my fucking way.
I am about to embark upon a south Boston wedding....
Hydrate.
Just set up my first threesome: a rapper and a Marine. Pretty sure at least 80% of girls in America hate me right now.
Sorry for face planting onto the table with all our alcohol on it
call me with an emergency in 5 min. This chick has a strap on hangin behind the bathroom door.
Holy shit I've found my last one night stand in my Gran's knitting club
You do realize he's just an extension of his penis, right?
I'll give you some leg action but I'm not showing you anything else until your penis admits it loves me
So apparently I fell asleep sitting on the toilet last night while my drunk girlfriend sang to me.
Randomize
