Do you think people stop being hipsters when they're naked? because that's what my research shows.
apparently i'm not the first person wake up and realize she's ugly cuz i tore this house apart and there is no sign of my clothes
It's a law of Nature, girls naturally hate eachother. It's only when there's no competition for a mate that they can hate each other a little less and then are appropriated into the "BFF" slot.
I remember asking you "need some dick tonite?"
Yeah I guess to me frat party equals penis party. oh the wonders of vodka.
there's chicken and sequins in our bathroom sink. part of me almost wants to know what happened
If this herpes test comes back negative I'm asking out the doctor.
she made sit in a corner, drink nothing but water and told me she was worried about me because i picked up an irish guy at a taxi rank. says the girl who invented tequila night and fucked a guy in a park across the street from a sweet sixteenth.
It was kinda hard to explain to his wife why there was chocolate syrup on the ceiling.
Whoever invented the gimlet should be given a medal and then shot
He's so drunk he thinks he's the ultimate warrior. Told cops he was from parts unknown. Never broke character
Cry into your wine glass and then drink the tears, it's like the fountain of youth
You peed on a pole and declared to a cop that it was your pole and yelled at him to not even look at it, and then yelled at all of us for looking at it.
Ims textiofg thsi woht my noes bcuz my hansd aer stli handcuffde to teh bedfrme. Help me
I’m pretty sure I have teeth marks on my neck
Be there in a sec. We have to stop at Target to buy her underwear first.
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