Lady next to me is getting american flags airburshed on her nails. god bless the ghetto.
Puking in one of the stalls, a guy ran in and started puking in the other stall... In between heaves we told each other our names; i found out that it was my old best friend that moved away in the 8th grade
Also I feel like 60% of our relationship is based on sausage mcmuffins.
Whoever decided it was a good idea to sell 40's at a bar with life-sized jenga deserves a nobel prize.
Incoming: this is a booty call. To accept, please reply with an appropriate time. To reject, please reply "N" and the information will be filed for future reference.
At least I look tastefully trashed. My nipples are hidden and I'm standing up.
You slammed your forties down on the table and yelled "I AM EDWARD FORTYHANDS" then mumbled something about repping Idaho like a champ and laid down on the couch.
Sex on the scooter in the parking lot wasn't the smartest idea. Actual quote from the cop as he handed me the ticket and fist bumped me.
I ate vegetarian today, so I deserve a beer.That's my justification.
It's like you're the voice of my soul.
That was the night I passed out and someone threw chicken at me. SORRY I wasn't available to cockblock you from that Hispanic dude.
Welp... sober this am and I still have a parrot.
If anything I look like a soccor mom going out for her annual ladies night. Trying hard, but not quite in her twenty's anymore.
We shared a dick. We're practically sisters!
Do it break your family into faction start a civil war
I'm not saying you're stupid, just that you have bad luck when thinking...
Randomize
