Tell him to shut up cuz i said so. I lost my dollar shoe :(
they could make at least 3 episode of "i shouldn't be alive" out of my weekend
i was so drunk that i ate a carrot out of her guiena pig's cage and thought it was normal
We had sex in the woods. It was great until some bird started mimicking my orgasm sounds
You know, he picked a really shitty time to stop sleeping with me to pay attention to his girlfriend.
I want nothing more to get stoned and go to your little sisters petting zoo party but I need to have priorities
I got 87 likes on my changed relationship status. It's official. I'm way more fucking awesome single.
They're mostly guys
Early bird gets the worm.
You missed me roundhouse kicking a lit glow stick out of a guy's mouth last night. You would have been proud.
I think I won over his best friend. He was staring at my boobs all night.
I got a blowjob dressed with a t shirt sweatpants and a Fanny pack. Not kidding.
We hooked up for a while and on his way out he high fived me and said "stay weird"
Kellie accidentally ran into the car with two teenagers making out. made a big thud. there was a loud scream and she was gone...haven't seen her since
I thought I was bad, the girl next to me on the bench was feeding a bush a hamburger and introduced me. Only at lollapalooza.
Aint no party like a Broke College Girls Eating Stuffed Crust Pizza party
I'm literally trapped as the little spoon on a mattress on the floor of an unfinished basement with a professional athlete snoring in my hair
Randomize
