Pete just told the whole party I'm a squirter
My low point of the night was when my roommate spit out her jello shot and i took it...
I'm laying here in fetal position. I feel like a traffic cone
it's only monday and im already failing all my classes. i give up. tequila tuesday is my only friend.
In preparation for st patty's day I finally had a shamrock shake, and I invested in an app that will apparently keep me from drunkenly texting you pictures of my tits this weekend. Please let me know if you want to not be put on the "forbidden" list!
Smoked Hookah in the playhouse last night. Childhood was so fun.
My stripper pole led lights flash with the sound so it's awsome with music
5% want to drink juice and feel better, 95% just want to touch your butt
We were ushered out of Medieval Times by a squire for making out in the torture chamber. Children were present.
A boy in some branch of the military kissed me I think I'm going through an American sniper phase
I'm going to book club and then I'm going to get laid. Being in your 20s ain't so bad sometimes.
I punched the bar tender after he cut me off. Hopped over the bar and made my own drink. That's how I got tazed
He asked if we were going to take advantage of his drunken state. When we said no he tired to show us what we were missing out on. It was so sad it almost made him cute.
Oh man I knew I took that Molly too soon, talkin to some Scottish people lol but don’t like rollin in pizza restaurants.
Got electrocuted a second ago, is it weird that I have a boner?
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