yo I wanna see you, bring that beard of yours
Actions speak louder than words. Her actions scream crazy.
This is why you don't make out with cougars at a bar... I got a linkedin request from her, wtf?
Going to eat lunch. Bunch of people in church clothes, and we are hungover, wearing pajamas, and in real danger of puking on the floor. We're about to destroy the ambience of this joint.
My professor just gave everyone in the class extra credit... except for the kid wearing the Cubs hat
im not gonna bother asking u how it was... we could hear u through the walls
Calling yourself a modern day Geisha doesn't justify being a whore.
I have to overdose on valtrex I had a rough weekend.
At one point, you closed your eyes and asked me which 'six flags' we were at
I may be in the process of acquiring a second male fuck buddy and dating a girl....FUCKING STOP THE TRAIN I'M ON! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!!
I actually had to tell him that sex doesn't replace my Tupperware. Our relationship has reached a weird level.
Your brother just walked into my room, pissed drunk and butt naked, got into my bed and fell asleep. In knowing I am gay, you have one hour to deal with him before I do
Thank you, BTW, for defiling my bed. Glad it was done well.
Just waxed 95% of the hair off my vag. If he doesn't enjoy this tonight, you will, whether you like it or not.
I don't know how I managed to chip the inside of my tooth w/ a turkey and cheeto sandwich, but I think that's what happened.
I'm sorry, a turkey and WHAT sandwich?!?!
Randomize
