Never write on a napkin "my face, your boobs" with your phone number and give it to a girl. Just a tip of the day from my nightly experiences lol.
We need to hang out more often
we made out on top of his cat.
It was mandatory to shotgun a beer before we were allowed to eat dinner
Please tell me the foreign boys in the kitchen this morning were yours.
I'm calling into work with a wicked case of sledge hammer crotch. She has to understand
4 months of living in europe has taught me the art of making a drunken stumble look like a dance move
Dude, she sent me a nude of her posing in the mirror and her dad was in the reflection
Not only have I fallen off the wagon, it ran me over and just kept going...
Bad things happen to those who bang their lab partner at the beginning of the semester.
Guy hitting on me at bar is guy who's Craigslist ad we laughed at the other night. Not even kidding.
She's started this new thing where whenever she drives by random couples talking alone outside she yells "break up! this is your sign!"
I am 95% sure I just heard my cat say "What are you doing home? It's Saturday night."
I think after tonight I'm 85% lesbian
It's one of those "I can't stand you but we're stuck in the same hotel room tonight so let's fuck until one of us passes out" kind of nights.
He dicked me, fed me creme brulee, and didn’t make a big deal out of me causing a flood to come outta my vagina
Marry him NOW
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