It was all fun and games until Tim shit on the end table
How are you going to be there by 9am?
Relax I always go to these conferences hung over
You say that like it's a positive quality
i just saw some one pass a baby through the drive-thru window at dairy queen.
he said i ruined lesbian porn for him
You may have noticed the broken smoke detector and melted carpet. We may have accidentally lit a ping pong ball on fire...I'm sorry, but we did our best.
Just an FYI: The offer for you to come snow blow my driveway in return for sexual favors is still on the table
Also, we just got yelled at by a cop for being awesome...or making out in a fountain. Whatever.
You just kept screaming at everyone 'not to break your scarf' and doing somersaults
It's like leaving me for his wife wasn't enough. He had to give me an STD too.
Oh my god I peed in a park last night and then tried to set off fireworks with a group of middle-aged men
Touche. Dude, I fastened garters. Drunk. I deserve a medal from a drag queen.
She's posted my bail. Twice. Of course I'm going to be her wing girl.
The cop was yelling at you as you layed on the sidewalk and you wouldn't take him seriously cause you thought it was some dude in a cop costume.
He gave me the "find somebody who wants to date you for who you are" speech while I walked around the house asking people for pants.
So adding to the list of things my boobs can do, sweeping with a broom is apparently a thing.
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