Denmark girl wants me to go out but i remembered shes a raging whore with extremely questionable morals. Not feelin that tonight
I spent my night drunkenly staring at a picture of John Stamos. How do you think I feel?
dressing as green man for st patrick's day = free drinks all night long
Her tits were the only thing that upgraded her from "no way in fuck" to "drunken mistake"
Tempting. But I already used the alcohol poisoning excuse at work this month. No way he would believe it a second time...
Being home sucks. I haven't drank in like a week. Or smoked cigs. Or done drugs. Or had sex. My body is shutting down.
Omg. It's like you're one of those deprived kids living in a third world country. We need to save you.
I liked a picture of him with his pants around his ankles, if that doesn't say I'm into you, I don't know what does.
It's really sad that I'm trying to calculate in my head the type of place to have dinner that's worth anal
Called my ex last night, told her I wanted to bang like we use too, her fiance was in the car, I was on speaker phone. NO MORE TEQUILA!
Did she say Ok?
fuck it. from now on whatever room i wake up in, i'm stealing clothes from. this walk of shame shit is too much without pants
wearing my old cheerleader outfit to the bar was a great way to get free drinks. i should do this more often
He said I could stop sending ass pics now and just say hello. I'm not sure if that means he's no longer interested, or that he's a gentleman??
So you completely disappeared from my memory last night at about my 15th Jager bomb. But only you. No one else.
I'm sorry for chipping my tooth on your vagina last night :(
If I lock her out of the apartment right now would the neighbors have grounds to sue?
Randomize
