If I ever start a band I'm gonna name it "Nancy Reagan's Vagina"
I hate when people uglier than me have girlfriends
So my teacher figured out I made a drinking game out of her lecture. Once my drink was gone she let us out. Happy St. Patricks day class. Your welcome
My goal of the day is to not shit myself. That's it. Setting the bar real low
We can just keep having sex until one of us finds someone we actually like
We used a snorkel as a funnel. Can you say desperate?
that pic of me and the hulking football player sure does come in handy when creepy guys hit on me at the bar.
The sad part is I didn't even want to get laid. I just wanted the emotional connection, but my vagina was screaming "TOUCH ME. TOUCH ME RIGHT NOW BECAUSE MY DADDY ISSUES ARE MUCH DEEPER THAN MY EMOTIONAL NEEDS!" Vodka has a way of getting me out of my emotions and gets me fucked every time.
I didn't even have pants on and you think I had an agenda
Can I trade you chipotle for a pregnancy test?
I lost my pants last night, she told me I walked into their room after leaving 5 minutes before wearing my thong.....and no pants. I have absolutely no idea where I left them.
I knew I was in for a long night after I filled the empty pinata carcass with beer, bit off the top of one of it's legs and used it as a beer bong.
Her vag MUST be made out of starbursts or something equally as delicious.
Sorry about peeing on your phone last night
Thank god you don't know my other address I'm safe for now
Awww you know you would like it if I found u
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