And i was thinking, 'i'm happy to be underneath you, but i wish you weren't doing THAT.'
9 am. shotgunning while conditioning my hair. i love college football season.
is the shake weight an appropriate valentine's day present?
You mailed him a break up letter, because you thought the "joy of receiving a letter" would ease the pain of you dumping him.
I feel like fucking him is something we all do but don't want to admit to. like masturbating or peeing in the shower
I was high fiving everyone. I even high fived with the wall for doing such a good job suporting the ceiling and keeping us alive.
dude girls our age are getting married and having babies and I still can't figure out how to defrost my hotpockets
LESSON OF THE DAY: Saying Everclear gets you out of explaining anything.
We're exchanging our favorite porn sites at 9 am. I think this brings our relationship to a whole new level
you didnt realize it, but you puked in the bushes in front of a church and yelled "GOD IS DEAD"
I should not be this drunk in a place where a girl is wearing a princess dress
I'd say "I think I gave my TA chlamydia" is an accurate way to sum up my life.
Does your balding hurt less when a 19 year old holds your hand?
Drunk you wants to be petty, not you you.
I need to stop using "I went to the Harry Potter theme park" as my pickup line.
Randomize