I can’t believe the potential orgy I left behind at Waffle House.
You should probably wake up already as I have yet another story for you. Teaser? Blood from knife wound. Tequila. Guitar hero. Kitchen counter. Lawyer.
it was like i was on a global safari of uncircumcised men
he tried to convince me he was a seal.. sound effects included. and then asked me to 'be his lady seal'.
the bouncer watched the girl drop her ID, saw me pick it up and say OMG SHE LOOKS LIKE ME, and then let me use it to get into the bar
You were crying and asking his mom "why doesn't he like road head?"
Hillary is trying to make pickle pops with vodka and sell them to kids at the ball park.
traded hat for shot of whiskey. lovah yo life. only ADVENTURE NOW. OH GOD IT WENT TO CAPS LOCK
Went to a date party without a date and had a threesome wooops
You left your underwear in a sandwich bag on my kitchen counter.
She literally took off her shirt and ran out of the bar. When she ran back she smashed into the glass door with her face....That's got to be the best way to celebrate your 30th.
Is it weird that I'm looking up pubic hairstyles?
The last two times I had sex with him I forgot who it was half way through
I need dunkaroos back in my life.
I imagine you as a cat holding your burrito with two paws and cutely eating it
Randomize
