if sarah has 12 dollars and spends 6 of it on cheap booze how much will she spend on hangover food the next morning?
4 on the dollar menu at mcdonalds
mom cant say that college never taught us math
I submitted an essay to my history teacher comparing changes in the middle ages to the song changes by David Bowie. I can't wait to see my grade on that.
he broke up with me while standing outside, half naked, waiting to fuck him. i feel like a leper right about now.
Apparently I kept telling people I was a pro tennis player again...
my first words to him the next morning were "do you like magic"?
I would lick a homeless mans crack teeth for a cup of coffee right now.
Why can't people give useful wedding gifts...like sex swings or Nutella?
Dilemas of the modern woman: deciding whether or not to write on your ex's wall for his birthday. This is serious.
party tonight. bring as many traffic cones as you can find. we need to section off the blackout drunks way better this time
Just got a Lifeproof case for Christmas so hold on and tell me how my shower nudes look
You wanna see what happens when frozen corn meets an unhappy Andrew's face?
If I had an Australian accent I'd be unstoppable. Teach me how you talk
Is it customary to send a 'thank you card'to someone who gave you awesome oral as a gift at your housewarming party?
He and his ex stood there talking about going to get Chinese food while I was half naked searching for my panties
You threw a beachball full of vodka at me and yelled I CHOOSE YOU then ran
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